Alise’s mother suggested she should move to a children’s home to get away from her abusive father
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Family members and a health worker knew that Alise was being sexually abused by her father.
But, she says, ‘Nobody did anything … people didn’t talk about stuff then’.
When Alise was very young, she and her brother shared a bedroom. Their father was always very harsh towards them and would beat them if he heard them talking at night.
She doesn’t know exactly how old she was when she got her own bedroom, or how old she was when the abuse started, but she thinks the two things are connected.
She does know that she was seven when she first told someone about the abuse. She spoke to a friend, whose mother was a health professional. Although this woman told Alise’s mum about the abuse, she did not report it to any authorities.
Alise says her mother did not deal with the abuse, but ‘pushed it under the carpet’.
Some time later, Alise told another family member about the abuse. She says she was made to feel it was her fault and that she was to blame. This time, her mother said she could go and live in a children’s home if she wanted, but Alise felt she had no choice but to stay.
She had to carry on living with her father and he continued abusing her. He told her that by telling people about the abuse, she was ‘breaking her mother’s heart’ and said that she should say she had been lying.
When she was 16, Alise got a boyfriend and stayed at his home for much of the time. After a while the relationship broke down and she got her own place. At this point, she says, she went into a ‘fog’. For a while, she says, she ‘completely shut down’ until she became determined to try and deal with her past.
She started having counselling and says this has been extremely important in her recovery.
When she was in her early 20s, she decided to report the abuse by her father to the police. She did not have a very good experience with the police. She says the officers she met were not supportive and seemed to be ignorant about sexual abuse. When she showed them a family photograph, one of them made a comment to the effect that because she was smiling in the picture, she didn’t look as if she was being abused.
However, they did arrest her father, he pleaded guilty and received a prison sentence. Alise was awarded some criminal injuries compensation.
Her father died some time after he was released. Alise says she could not mourn him but she did grieve not having a father who protected her and looked after her.
The abuse has had a significant impact on Alise. She worked hard to make sure her children had better experiences than she did, and she finds it difficult to be away from them now they are grown up.
Alise thinks that victims and survivors need help and support when they become parents. She feels she would really have benefited from practical help as well as advice when she became a mother.