A priest ignored the distress that 11-year-old Allegra clearly showed when he abused her
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Allegra was sexually abused by a priest for whom a relative of hers worked.
Allegra’s relative would take her to work, where she would sit quietly, reading or drawing.
The priest, Father A, began paying attention to Allegra. She says ‘As a young girl I was naturally trusting and loving towards people’. He was in his 60s.
The priest suggested that Allegra might like to use some art materials and entrusted her with some tasks, which she also enjoyed.
Allegra describes how Father A continued grooming her, sending her letters, jokes and puzzles. She relates ‘He started to buy me the odd piece of jewellery and suggested when I was older he could buy me underwear’.
The priest gave Allegra a book, laughingly telling her it was a ‘bit old’ for her. She says ‘It was quite sexualised in parts’.
By the time she was about 10 or 11, Allegra says she became conscious that Father A’s behaviour was ‘emotionally intense’. She recalls ‘He became more possessive of me and wanted to make more physical contact … it progressed from holding my hand to other things’.
She describes how the priest started hugging her close to his crotch and touching her, sometimes squeezing her chest, and pinching her bottom and crotch.
Allegra adds ‘Also whenever he kissed me it was always on the lips. I hated that’.
The priest started taking her on walks alone, and she was aware that he was looking at her in a way that made her feel uncomfortable. In her embarrassment, she pretended not to notice.
Father A gave Allegra a reference for her secondary school. After she started there, she became increasingly uncomfortable with the way he was touching her, and would often try to pull away and even told him to stop. She says ‘I think he laughed it off. This is not a very clear memory, but I was getting angry about his attention around this time’.
She says that the priest tried to spend an increasing amount of time alone with her, and the grooming and abuse was distressing her more and more. She continues ‘I remember clearly once, in my house, getting angry and crying in my bedroom … my [relative] said “For goodness sake what is the matter with you?” I could not speak out. It was so frustrating not to be able to articulate what was happening …’
Allegra remembers feeling angry, burning Father A’s letters and throwing away presents he had sent her.
Father A carried on touching her. She remarks ‘He knew that it annoyed me and seemed to enjoy winding me up and he just would not get the message or stop’.
But, she adds, ‘I had not had the courage to tell anyone that I didn’t like what was going on’.
A turning point came when Allegra’s relative came into the room just as Father A had forcibly kissed Allegra. She says ‘I recoiled in disgust and horror’. Her relative realised something was wrong and confronted the priest, who became tearful and said that he accepted ‘it was over’.
Allegra can’t remember whether she told her relative full details of how Father A had been sexually abusing her at that point or later, but she does remember that her relative’s response made her feel angry.
She says ‘[the relative] does not realise how much it has affected me. It’s as if [the relative] is programmed to not accept that these things can happen. I guess it is [the relative’s] generation. It definitely did happen; I remember it clearly’.
After this, Allegra says she became withdrawn and disengaged from learning. She hardly went to school and her grades dropped. She started to wet her bed, something she had not done since she was a small child. She also developed what she now knows to be dissociation, which she describes as unpleasant and frightening.
She says ‘I remember feeling half dead and quite low. I think what helped get me through the time was the amount of exercise I did’, adding that she joined a sports club.