Andi was labelled ‘highly strung’ when she told a teacher about her abusive stepfather
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Andi says she was outspoken and she tried to defy her abusive stepfather.
When she reported him, he convinced people that she was badly behaved.
Andi’s dad died when she was still a baby. Her mother married another man, and had several children with him.
Her stepfather was controlling, abusive and violent. She says her mother, who was often ill, was very frightened of her husband.
As well as harshly punishing the children for slight misdemeanours, he verbally abused them and would encourage them to fight each other. He used food as a form of control and when they played games he made the losers go without food or treats.
Andi says that her stepfather also intimidated people in the local area. He went around ‘looking like he was in charge … he liked to look big, people in the town were scared of him’.
Andi and her two sisters shared a bed and her stepfather would come into the bedroom and sexually abuse her older stepsister, who was in her mid teens. Andi was 12 at the time and she was in constant fear that she and her younger stepsister would be next.
He did abuse all three girls, but he waited until they were in their mid teens before he started. Andi says she was the most outspoken. ‘I would tell him to get out and then get punished – going without food’.
She remembers her stepfather taking photographs of her stepsister on his polaroid camera when he was abusing her. He had a number of male friends that he referred to as the girls’ uncles, and he would show the pictures to them. These men sometimes sexually abused the girls.
Andi particularly recalls one ‘uncle’, who would call at the house every week and bring the children sweets. He would sit Andi on his lap and she often felt his erect penis as he tried to put his hand up her skirt. She says ‘I was sold out for a bag of sweets’.
She ran away lots of times and hid at others’ houses. She says ‘I was very defiant ... I would tell him what he was … I would suffer for months’.
When she was 12, Andi told a teacher and some other people at school what was happening at home, but no one believed her. She was seen as being ‘highly strung’; she says her father was a convincing liar and blamed her rebellious behaviour and temperament.
She also reported her stepfather to the police, but her mother persuaded her to withdraw it.
Andi has suffered with anxiety, depression and panic attacks. She had a breakdown and spent time in hospital. By this time, she had children of her own, and they were sent to live with her mother and stepfather, although she had told social services that he had abused her. She discovered later that he had abused her children.
Andi’s stepfather was eventually convicted and sent to prison.
She says that many institutions let her down. ‘Promises never happened’ she says. She thinks there should be better training on the signs of abuse. She was also disappointed by the processes of courts. She believes that perpetrators should be kept separately from their victims, and would like to see victims kept better informed.
Andi adds that some professionals were very helpful and supportive.