When Ann-Marie was sexually abused, some family members blamed her, and her peers ostracised her
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Ann-Marie works with children and young people, with particular responsibilities for safeguarding.
She comments ‘It took me until I was in my 50s to say that I had been sexually abused as a child, which is ironic, really’.
A new sports teacher arrived at Ann-Marie’s secondary school when she was about 14 years old.
PE was already one of her key subjects; she was talented and played in a few school teams. She describes the new teacher, Frederick, as ‘... larger than life … a big personality who attracted kids around him’.
Frederick began grooming Ann-Marie soon after he arrived at the school. Ann-Marie had a boyfriend, but the teacher manipulated her into breaking up with him.
He started sexually abusing Ann-Marie in his car. She explains ‘He would give me lifts to games and matches … I was always the last one he dropped off. I remember being in the car and him asking to kiss me’.
She says a lot of sexual abuse occurred in Frederick’s car, as it was easy for him to find reasons to drive her to lessons and events. Over time, he began taking her to hotel rooms during the day and raping her. Ann-Marie says ‘I remember thinking – I’m really young to be doing this, but no one challenged anything’. Frederick also raped her several times on a sports tour abroad.
Ann-Marie adds ‘He groomed me to think it was a “relationship”. I was completely obsessed’. Frederick even talked to her about the children they might have.
The sexual abuse occurred when she was 14 and 15 and continued after she turned 16. For this reason, Ann-Marie says she did not think it was child sexual abuse for many years.
The abuse ended when Frederick’s wife found out about it and told Ann-Marie’s family and the school.
The abuse, and it being revealed, set off a chain of damaging repercussions for Ann-Marie. The headteacher of her school asked her to leave. She says that no investigation took place, but she thinks Frederick resigned. She was ostracised by her friends and peers, and became the subject of gossip that Frederick had had ‘an affair’.
Ann-Marie’s mother had problems with her mental health and these became much worse for some time. Ann-Marie’s relationship with her father and older sister was fractured. She says their attitude was ‘What have you done?’
Ann-Marie says these responses ‘made me feel for 30 years that I had made a choice and it was all my fault’.
The sexual abuse also affected her ability to maintain relationships, and she says she had a tendency to sabotage connections with people that seem happy and successful.
She thinks it is very likely that Frederick sexually abused more children.
Ann-Marie loves her work in education. She believes that things have changed significantly since she was sexually abused. ‘No teacher would ever be in a car alone with a pupil now’ she says.
She is close to her mum and is married with children to a man she says is ‘amazing’. She has had some counselling and says she is open to the idea of having more.