Antoni says that abuse in the church is ‘heard about often … and the church didn't do anything’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Antoni grew up in poverty and was bullied at school. He was groomed and sexually abused by a Methodist priest, who pretended the abuse was a religious rite.
Antoni grew up in a large family living in a poor area. His parents had separated because his father had been violent to his mother, and he says she ‘worked long hours to put a roof over our heads and food on the table’.
He adds that there was often not enough food or clothing for the family and they lived from week to week. Antoni’s mother tried to mend his shoes when they wore out, and he was ridiculed and physically abused by other children at school for this.
When he was about 11, Antoni began attending a youth club attached to a local Methodist church. A few of his friends went and they enjoyed playing together. A priest called Ralf told some of the children at the youth club that they had to start attending Sunday school too.
Looking back, Antoni thinks that Ralf singled out the vulnerable children. Over time, his friends stopped going to the youth club, and this made him even more of a target for Ralf, who began paying him attention, buying him sweets and driving him home.
The priest then began taking Antoni to visit his own parents, where they would stay overnight. Antoni says that Ralf frequently gave him gifts at his parents' house.
One night on one of these stays, Ralf came to Antoni when he was in bed. ‘He told me to accept Jesus into my heart’ Antoni says. The priest made Antoni kneel and pray, and then sexually touched him.
Antoni describes his confusion and embarrassment. He froze in fear. ‘I didn’t know how to react … I was in shock’ he says.
The next day on the way home, Ralf took him to the shop to buy him a gift.
After this, the abuse became more frequent. Ralf would touch Antoni, telling him it was to ‘comfort’ him. And he bought Antoni more and more expensive gifts, and took him on holiday.
Antoni says the sexual abuse became progressively worse over the year. He would go home in tears afterwards, but his mother did not concern herself with what was wrong. He says ‘she was glad I was out the way for days, hours at a time’.
By the time Antoni was about 13 or 14 years of age, he realised that what the priest was doing ‘wasn't right’. The abuse stopped following an overnight stay at some relatives of Ralf’s, where he and Ralf were sharing the spare bed. Antoni felt Ralf on top of him and got out of bed and lay on the floor until daylight. The next morning Ralf told Antoni that he ‘mustn't tell anyone about this as God wouldn't approve’.
Antoni again went home in tears and this time he told his mother that he didn't want to see Ralf again. The priest continued calling at Antoni’s house but his mother would not let him in.
Years later, Antoni learned that Ralf had been convicted for abusing children. He contacted the police and gave a statement about what had happened to him. He believes that another victim of Ralf’s took his own life.
Antoni feels guilt that others suffered abuse by Ralf. He finds it difficult to trust other people and feel emotionally close to anyone. He feels that his mother could have protected him better when he was a child.
He thinks that the church still needs to acknowledge they did not do enough to protect children. Although he believes that better policies and procedures are now in place, he says that many attitudes still need to change.
However, Antoni is glad there have been a number of changes since he was young, such as sex education and the internet where young people can find information. ‘Kids are more switched on’ he says.
Antoni feels he has done well in life. He has worked hard and has a good job, and classes himself as ‘lucky’. He adds ‘I have got through it a hundred times better than some other people’.