Audrey says that when she was a child, no one wanted to believe parents could abuse their children
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Audrey confided in two education professionals that she was being abused by her stepfather.
Both these people dismissed her as a liar.
Audrey grew up in the 1960s and 70s. Her father died when she was six and her mother remarried soon after.
Her stepfather, Jonah, appeared very charming and was very popular in the community. But she remembers feeling uncomfortable with him soon after he moved in. ‘It was subtle things, like checking I had a bath’ she says.
She continues ‘When I look back it was a classic case; he identified my mum as vulnerable with two young children’.
Within a short time, Jonah became violent towards Audrey, her mother and her older brother. He began sexually abusing Audrey from when she was nine or 10 years old. The abuse continued for about eight years.
By the time Audrey was in secondary school, her behaviour, attendance and attainment were deteriorating and she often got into trouble.
Once, when she was 14, the headmistress called her into her office about her behaviour. Audrey confided that Jonah was abusing her, but the head told her ‘Don’t be ridiculous, I’ve met your parents and they’re very nice. Don’t lie to get yourself out of trouble’.
Audrey says ‘I was a nuisance, and she had made her mind up about me and made her mind up about my stepfather’.
When an education welfare officer spoke to Audrey, she gave the same explanation, but he also told her not to lie. She often went to school with bruises, but she says ‘Back then nobody could believe any parent would abuse their child I don’t think’.
A few months later, a letter arrived to say that because of her poor attendance, Audrey had to leave her grammar school and go to a secondary modern.
The sexual and physical abuse by Jonah continued. She started trying to resist him but this made it worse and she worried about her mum’s safety.
When Audrey was 17 she realised she was pregnant. She knew Jonah was the father. With her mother's support, she contacted a charity for unmarried mothers and they put her in touch with a welfare officer.
Audrey describes this woman as ‘all twinset and pearls’, but says that when she told her about the abuse by Jonah, she was the first person to believe her. ‘She was really lovely’ Audrey says.
The charity arranged for Audrey to go to a mother and baby home, and gave her the option to report Jonah to the police. Audrey says she was not put under pressure to have her baby adopted, and when she gave birth she decided not to. ‘I just couldn’t give her up’ she says.
Worried for her mum, Audrey returned home. ‘I don't know why but I couldn't leave my mum in that situation … I thought he'd kill her’ she says. However, she left again because of Jonah’s violence. ‘I had to protect my baby … she became everything to me.’
Audrey confronted Jonah about the abuse before she went, and he told her it was her fault, and that she had wanted it.
The welfare officer from the charity helped to arrange housing and benefits for Audrey, and her mum moved in with her and the baby.
After a while, Audrey was told she would not receive any more benefits, unless she took the father of her baby to court for maintenance. In court, Audrey was asked detailed questions about her sex life.
She said she had been abused, but the magistrate said that was not a matter for the court.
Audrey says it is important for professionals to 'delve a bit' and ask for details when talking to children. She says children need someone to talk to they can trust. ‘As a child you do feel so trapped and scared’ she says. She adds ‘I would hope that the headmistress would act differently today’.
Audrey’s mum lived with her until she passed away. Audrey says ‘I could have blamed my mum, but what was the point?’
She is now a proud grandmother and is very close to her family. She says ‘I want to be a survivor and not a victim’.