Austin believes that the boarding school he attended was 'the perfect environment for an abuser’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
When Austin was sent to board at a preparatory school at the age of 10, he knew it cost his parents a lot of money and he was made to feel he should be grateful.
The reality of the situation was that he and many other pupils were sexually abused by a teacher.
Austin describes his school as ‘a beautiful building but completely and utterly isolated’.
He relates how homesick he was and says ‘That first term, I was extremely vulnerable’.
‘It was a tough environment’ he continues. ‘It was all about discipline. There was nothing in the way of pastoral care … you just got on with it.’
A few teachers lived at the school, and the ones who did were a constant presence in the pupils’ dormitories and bathrooms. ‘They could do as they pleased’ Austin says. ‘They would come into your room and they were always there when you had a shower … one seemed to be always standing there staring at you.’
It was one of these teachers who sexually abused Austin after singling him out for attention and encouragement. Austin says ‘Looking back, he preyed on the fact I was a new boy in a state of shock. At first, to me, he seemed kind, but it was grooming’.
Austin comments that the teacher was well-known among the boys for sexual abuse. He would make them stand by his desk while he fondled them in front of the class. He would also invite boys into his room at the boarding school and take them on overnight trips. Austin didn’t attend any of these, but he was abused in class and in the teacher’s room.
He says ‘The stuff that happened in his room … so shocking. I don’t have clear memories but I have images in my head I don’t really want to look at’.
Austin and the other boys who were sexually abused by the teacher were often teased and bullied by the other boys.
He continues ‘There was no one to talk to and nowhere to go. I learned to live with it’.
The abuse went on for the whole term, but after that Austin says he became ‘rebellious’ and started behaving badly. He thinks this may have deterred the abuser.
At one point, the headteacher asked him what was wrong. Austin says ‘I tried to say what had happened and was told “Children like you end up in prison”’.
Austin adds that it was rumoured that another boy had tried to tell a member of staff about abuse by the same teacher, and had his mouth washed out with soap.
A year or two after Austin left school, he found out the teacher had been arrested. He does not know if he was convicted.
By this time, Austin had been sent to another boarding school, which was an even tougher environment. He says he was already unhappy and behaving badly, and the news of the teacher’s arrest sent him spiralling further downwards. He describes himself as ‘wild and self-destructive’, drinking and taking drugs, and getting into trouble with the police for drugs.
He was expelled and returned home where his difficulties continued. He became suicidal and had a breakdown. A few years later he entered a rehab programme and met the woman who is now his wife. He has also had counselling.
Concerned that the teacher who abused him might still have contact with children, Austin made a report to the police.
The impact of the abuse on Austin has been significant. For a few years he was confused about his sexuality and found relationships difficult. He still struggles with his mental health but does not drink or take drugs. He says ‘Throughout my adult life I have carried constant shame and guilt … feeling I did something wrong’.
He feels sure that if there had been some pastoral care at school, the fact the teacher was abusing him and lots of other boys would have come out. For this reason, Austin would like to see an independent external person in place for children to talk to in institutions like boarding schools.
He would also like to see better access to therapy for young people. He comments ‘I could have had counselling, it could have saved me a lot of pain’.
Austin believes that the boarding school he attended was ‘the perfect environment for an abuser … there was no education to tell us no one should touch us; you had no choice in anything; it was like being in the army’. He adds ‘The fact we’re being listened to is a massive change since I was a child’.
When he had his own children, he says he realised that the abuse was not in any way his fault.
Now, Austin says, ‘I’m going to do my best to put it behind me and move forward and enjoy my life’.