Benedict’s parents struggled to send him to boarding school - so he didn’t tell them he was abused there
All names and identifying details have been changed.
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Benedict was sent to a small Catholic boarding school in the 1970s.
He was sexually abused by a priest but did not want to upset his parents by telling them.
Benedict’s parents worked very hard to raise the money for his school fees, and he knew how important it was to them.
He started at the school when he was 11, and describes himself as ‘a frail child’ who struggled with the favoured school team sports. He also had a reading disability.
Bullying by older children was rife, the teachers and priests showed no empathy or kindness to the pupils, and punishments for minor transgressions were harsh. Benedict remembers one of the priests would hit him across the hand with a ruler for holding his pen ‘incorrectly’.
What he describes as ‘low-level sexual interference’ was also common. There was a priest who was always in the showers before bedtime and the boys had to ‘present themselves so he could check they were dry’.
Benedict adds that this was witnessed by a female staff member, who was always present at shower time, but she apparently did nothing about the priest’s behaviour.
In his second year at the school, Benedict had done something wrong and was told to report to the housemaster in his study. His housemaster was a priest, and there was another priest in the room.
Benedict was told off by the housemaster and asked if his mother would smack him for what he had done, and whether he should smack him as she wasn’t there. Benedict reluctantly answered ‘yes’.
He was told to lower his trousers and underpants and was bent over the housemaster’s knee. The housemaster took hold of Benedict’s penis, and penetrated his anus with his thumb. He used his other hand to smack Benedict.
When it was over, Benedict was told to stand up and get dressed. He vividly remembers details, such as all the objects that were on the housemaster’s desk.
The sexual abuse happened twice more before Benedict’s parents were unable to pay the school fees and he had to leave. He says he returned home with memories that would affect him for decades.
Over the years, Benedict says, it has dawned on him that what happened at the school wasn’t ‘normal’. He struggles with low confidence, anger and has a strong dislike of priests.
He never told his parents or anyone else that he was sexually abused. He knows they thought they were doing the best for him and he thinks his father might have ‘burnt down the school’ if he knew what had happened to him.
Several years ago, there was a police inquiry into the school, and from this Benedict knows that the housemaster is now dead. He has since met another person who went to the school who was sexually abused by the priests.
Benedict says that hearing this was very traumatic for him and he told his wife about the abuse soon after. She was supportive and he is now having counselling.
Benedict says he recognises how difficult it is to protect children and balance safeguarding concerns. He also feels that a celibate lifestyle is incompatible with working with children.