Blodwen says ‘I’m fed up of being stigmatised … it wasn’t my fault’
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Blodwen says that while she was being sexually abused by her adoptive father, her behaviour made her ‘a nightmare’.
A number of professionals saw her during this time, but did not investigate why she was troubled.
Blodwen was adopted in the late 1960s. Her adoptive parents did not care for her properly – they did not take her to the doctor when she needed medical attention and the household was generally chaotic.
She was sexually abused by her adoptive father. She thinks the abuse started when she was very young, and says it continued until she left home at the age of 18.
Blodwen’s adoptive mother often went out in the evenings and her husband would use these times to abuse Blodwen.
The abuse included touching and escalated to rape. Blodwen’s adoptive father also inflicted injuries on her – ‘he seemed to want to hurt me’ she says.
He often quoted the Bible when he abused her. She remembers him saying words to the effect that this was what Jesus meant when he said ‘suffer the children’.
When Blodwen was about 12, she thought ‘I’ve had enough of this’ and she started to fight back. But she says this seemed to make him want to hurt her more.
At the same time, Blodwen says, she was missing a lot of school, and behaving badly when she was there.
She had a social worker and was sent to see a psychiatrist, but neither they, nor any of the school staff, explored what was wrong with her. She says that at that time ‘they couldn't recognise abuse’.
Blodwen adds ‘there was also no confidentiality’ and explains that many conversations she had with professionals took place in front of her adoptive mother.
Her adoptive father became more abusive and threatening, and Blodwen took an overdose and was hospitalised.
In her early teens Blodwen suffered more sexual abuse from boys at school and once by a man she didn’t know in the street. This assault was reported to the police, but no action was taken. ‘I felt that any male could grab or grope me and there was no safe place to go … I constantly felt unsafe and miserable’ she says.
The abuse by her adoptive father became less frequent in her later teenage years because he became ill.
Blodwen suffers from flashbacks and severe depression, for which she receives medication. She has suicidal tendencies. She also has bladder problems caused by repeated urinary infections which were not treated.
She believes that health workers and other professionals need better training to pick up on the signs that might indicate sexual abuse of children. She also thinks children in care should have more choice about where they live, saying that children's homes may sometimes be best.
Blodwen adds that she thinks there have been a lot of positive changes since she was young in the way abuse is recognised and dealt with.