Brielle says that child sexual abuse is often perpetrated by someone a child knows and trusts
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
As a child, Brielle felt unloved by her parents. She believes this made her vulnerable to sexual abuse, which she mistook for the affection she craved.
Brielle explains that her parents were completely ‘emotionally absent’ from her life. They never gave her a goodnight kiss, or held her hand, and certainly never spoke of loving her.
When she was about five years old, a teenage boy took her behind some bushes and sexually molested her. She remembers that she was not afraid, but she did worry that he might laugh at the underwear she had on.
She recalls that she enjoyed feeling the closeness and physical sensations of what was happening, and she thinks this is because she was happy to have physical contact with someone.
A few years after this, Brielle began visiting a neighbouring house where there were a few young adult males in the family. She doesn’t remember how this came about, but says that the men would shower her with compliments and affection. This escalated to sexual abuse, involving kissing and touching.
As with her earlier experience, she didn’t see what was happening as abuse and she says that she ‘would do anything to get into the house’.
The sexual abuse involved kissing, cuddling and fondling. On one occasion one of the males tried to initiate intercourse with her, showing her his erection and laying out sheets on the floor. She had had some sex education at school, and because of this knowledge, she understood this was wrong, and she was able to deter him.
The abuse ceased after her parents noticed she had a ‘love bite’ and questioned her about it. They took her to the neighbours’ house and made her point out who had done it. She did this but she did not say anything about the other sexual abuse that had occurred.
After this, Brielle was not allowed to go to the house again. She remembers that the way her family questioned her made her feel that she was the guilty party and she did believe that it was all her fault.
Her mother took her to see the GP, who gave her an internal examination. This was done on the pretext of a check up, but she now suspects it was to see if she was still a virgin.
It was only when Brielle was an adult and attended some child protection training at work that she began to see that what had happened to her was grooming and sexual abuse.
But, she explains, she still grapples with confusion and guilt about it, because she feels that she ‘promoted it’ by spending so much time at her neighbours’ home. She does recognise that she was seeking the love and attention she didn't get at home, but she still can’t help comparing her experiences to those of others, thinking it was ‘not so bad’.
Brielle emphasises the importance of early sex education and teaching children that they have rights over their own bodies. She also highlights the need for schools to be more aware of signs of abuse and being careful not to assume that ‘all is well with the compliant, well-behaved child’.
She believes that ‘stranger danger’ scenarios put the wrong emphasis on child sexual abuse, but she is pleased that there is now more public understanding of the issues of grooming. Although, she adds, she would never have realised she was a victim of grooming at the time as she felt ‘loved’. She feels that this ‘acceptance’ of the abuse she experienced has had a huge effect on her attitude to relationships, and has made her question every relationship she has ever had.
She does wonder why her parents didn’t question why she kept going to the neighbours’ house. She believes it is vital that parents value their time with their children, and she would like to see more support available, such as parenting groups. She says ‘If early on in life I had felt a sense of worth and love, I would never have been in a situation where that could have happened’.