Carter has felt shame that he was brutally abused by a Scout leader
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
When Carter joined a Scout group he met a leader called Bernard, who was in his early 20s.
Bernard groomed Carter, drugged him and raped him.
Carter explains that not long after he joined the Scouts, Bernard left the group, but some time later, he contacted Carter via social media. Carter, who was in his early teens at the time, says he had no reason to be concerned because he felt Bernard was someone he could trust.
Bernard asked Carter for his telephone number and began texting him. Carter can now see that the messages became ‘flirty’ and sexual, but he says this happened very gradually and he did not see anything wrong with it at the time. At some point, Bernard sent Carter a picture of his penis, but Carter didn’t comment or react to the photo; he simply ignored it.
The Scout leader then began asking Carter to visit him in the evenings, and one night Carter cycled to his house. He says he didn’t really know why he agreed. He remembers Bernard sitting uncomfortably close to him. He offered Carter some beer, and when Carter commented that it tasted funny, Bernard said there was vodka in it.
Carter thinks the drink may in fact have been ‘spiked’ with a drug because he remembers drifting in and out of consciousness throughout the night. At one point, he recalls that he and Bernard were naked in an outdoor hot tub, and remembers slurring his words. Carter says that Bernard had an erection, and he made him put his hand on it. Carter was unable to move.
He doesn’t remember how he got there, but later he realised he was in a bedroom in the house. Still semi-conscious, the next thing he knew was that Bernard was raping him. He remembers how painful the assault was.
Carter describes how he woke up in pain, with blurred vision. He wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. As he left, Bernard just casually said ‘bye’.
Afterwards, Carter says, he felt very ashamed. He thought that it was his fault he had been raped as he had gone to Bernard’s house by choice. Carter has only seen Bernard once since that night and the Scout leader did not acknowledge Carter.
Carter did not tell anyone about the rape until recently, when he disclosed it to his partner. He says he felt too scared to go to the police – partly because he didn’t know what making a report might involve and that it was difficult to find any information about what to expect.
He explains how the sexual abuse has had a major impact on his life. He had previously been very academic at school, but he says he ‘went off the rails … smoking, drinking and mixing with the wrong people’.
He left home in his mid teens and excluded his parents and friends from his life – he says he had no one he felt close to and shut himself off emotionally. He was still troubled by feelings of self-blame.
Carter did go and see a doctor about his depression, and was referred to a therapist. However, he could not bring himself to talk about the abuse.
He believes that two things might have helped him speak out: awareness of the risks around child sexual abuse being included in the school curriculum and easily accessible information about what would happen if he went to the police. He would also like to see the Truth Project being advertised more widely.
With support from his partner, Carter says he is rebuilding his relationship with his parents and reconnecting with his feelings.