Christopher believes he was ‘fobbed off’ by many services he approached for support
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
As a gay teenager from a relatively privileged background, Christopher was sexually abused and exploited.
He describes how many professionals did not empathise with his difficulties because of the stigma attached to sex work.
Christopher experienced a difficult childhood. He says ‘as a kid I felt I was bad, there was something wrong with me, I wasn’t as good as other people, I wasn’t as smart as other people’.
He thinks this feeling was caused by the fact his parents frequently physically punished him and his dad called him ‘stupid’. He says ‘I think both of them had very difficult upbringings’ and adds that their drinking made things worse. They claimed they punished Christopher because of his behaviour; he believes his behaviour was caused by their abuse.
Christopher knew he was gay from a young age. He attended school when Section 28 – legislation that prohibited ‘the promotion of homosexuality’ – was in place. He describes the atmosphere as homophobic and intimidating, and he hid his sexuality. He says this added to his ‘feeling you’re not on equal terms with other people’.
When he was in his mid teens, Christopher left his family home and moved in with an adult man he had met on a dating website for gay and bisexual men. This man, Colin, groomed Christopher for sex work, and sexually abused him. Christopher thinks that when Colin met him ‘all his Christmases must have come all at once, because I felt so ugly and so stupid … I was so desperate to escape from where I was running from, that was better than home [his home]’.
He continues that he had a place to stay, food and could make money through sex work. At the time, Christopher says he felt that he wanted to have sex with people. As a gay teenager at this time, outside big cities, this was not an option for him in the same way it was for his heterosexual peer group at school.
Colin taught him about sex and how to make other people ‘happy’. Christopher comments ‘It was a bit like training a waiter to give customer service’.
Colin was also physically abusive towards Christopher, and took a share of the money he earned from sex work. When Christopher was 18, Colin set up a profile advertising Christopher as a sex worker and encouraged him to appear in pornography.
Christopher is aware that Colin had a number of places where young men lived and he believes that Colin was later convicted of sexual abuse.
He recalls one occasion where the police visited the residence he was living in with Colin. They were acting on a report from the parents of another teenage boy who was staying there with a different man.
When Christopher was 20, he managed to move out of Colin’s house, with the help of one of his clients.
He later went to university. Towards the end of his studies he had some counselling which triggered a mental health related illness. He says ‘As I started talking, I became unwell … I’m not just talking feeling sad. There was something seriously wrong with me’.
He was prescribed anti-depressants but had a bad reaction to them.
Christopher told his personal tutor that he felt unwell, but was dismissed and told he was fine. This experience was repeated when he told his GP he was feeling suicidal. He has never had a diagnosis, but thinks he may have been suffering from PTSD.
Being shouted at or threatened triggers feelings of anxiety in Christopher, which he thinks is the result of the physical abuse he suffered as a child.
Because of his mental health problems, Christopher found it difficult to find employment, and he returned to sex work to pay off his debts.
When he heard that Colin had died, Christopher felt conflicting emotions. He says ‘As much as I hate this person, there’s a bit of a father figure there’.
He decided to report the abuse to the police because he wanted to apply for criminal injury compensation. It emerged that he was not the first person to make an allegation against Colin. He gave a statement to the police but has not heard back from them.
Christopher feels that a recurring pattern in his life has been people telling him there is nothing wrong with him. He thinks this is partly ‘because I look so normal’, he comes from a relatively affluent background and studied for a prestigious degree, and partly because he is gay. He recalls speaking to a therapist who seemed to doubt that he felt he had no choice but to engage in sex work.
He comments that public discussion around white male privilege can make it seem as though somebody like him is not vulnerable, and adds ‘I’m still human like everyone else’.
Christopher would like people to stop dismissing victims and survivors of exploitation as ‘prostitutes’.
He is conscious that the exchange of money affected the way he viewed his right to consent to sex with his clients, even though he was a child at the time. He thinks many people see sex work as a choice and are therefore not as compassionate about it as they might be.
Now that Christopher is older and has a more stable life, he feels he is better able to engage with support services. However, he says that when he was at his most vulnerable, he could not get the help he needed.
Christopher would like to see protections to ensure that people who have been sexually exploited cannot be discriminated against, for example in employment. He believes that criminal compensation is a good way of acknowledging that wrong has been done to victims and survivors and that the authorities have made mistakes.
He feels angry that some of the progress that has happened since he was a child, such as the repeal of Section 28, did not happen in time to benefit him. He feels that there should be more male teachers in schools who can act as a positive role model for children who may not have one at home.
Christopher has had some positive experiences accessing sexual health services for men who are sex workers, but says that more could be done. He suggests that it would be helpful for these services to provide support with housing. He sees this as one of the problems that made him vulnerable as a gay teenager who wanted to be around people similar to himself.
He believes that LGBT children should only be placed with foster families with whom they will be safe and supported, and that work being done to support LGBT children in schools should continue.
He would also like to see more support available for men.
Christopher works for an organisation that helps vulnerable individuals. He has a supportive partner who he says takes very good care of him.