Clinton says ‘Some of the abuse might have happened because of the lack of affection in my life’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Clinton was placed into care at an early age to protect him from cruelty.
He feels he was very vulnerable, and this led to him being abused as a child by more than one perpetrator.
The first incidence of abuse happened when he was about 10, and was committed by a shopkeeper. This man would masturbate Clinton and then give him money. Eventually Clinton told his foster parents and the shopkeeper was arrested. Clinton believes the abuser was given a prison sentence.
Another man, called Joey, used to take Clinton on outings, and on more than one occasion Clinton slept in his bed. He does not recall being sexally abused, but he now sees that this behaviour was inappropriate and thinks it is possible that he was.
He encountered another abuser who regularly travelled on the bus Clinton took to school. This man would masturbate in front of him. One day Clinton saw the man being taken from the bus by the police.
When he was about 12, Clinton stole a purse and was removed from the care of his foster parents. He was sent to live in a children’s home but ran away, and was moved to a remand home. The staff were violent towards the boys, and one of them sexually abused Clinton. He was later interviewed by the police about this, but it was not taken any further because too much time had elapsed.
Clinton relates that on another occasion, when he was on an outing with some friends from the home, they were followed into the toilets by a man who offered them money to show him their penises. A member of the public intervened and nothing further happened.
When he was about in his late teens he met up with his mother, and lived with her for a short time, before moving to a city to live with a friend. Clinton says that at this time he had girlfriends, but men would often approach him and he does not understand why.
Clinton is troubled by concerns that he must have done something that caused him to be sexually abused so many times. He says ‘Common sense tells me I wasn’t the offender, but another part says why did it happen to me on more than one occasion?’
He feels that he should have run away; he wonders if he didn’t because he wanted attention and he finds this difficult to come to terms with.
Clinton suffers from anxiety and panic attacks and is fearful of being let down. He says he is also overprotective of his children.
He feels it is essential that children’s services maintain good quality records and act on them appropriately. His file notes show he was abused by more than one man, and he wonders why this didn’t indicate that he was vulnerable.
He would like children to be empowered and educated about their rights, and to have the confidence to say ‘no’ to behaviour they are not comfortable with. He adds that adults should be vigilant about things children say that may indicate they are being abused.
Clinton would like to be offered counselling to help him deal with the guilt he feels for ‘allowing’ the abuse to happen.