Cooper was afraid that if he spoke about being abused, he would be taken away from his mother
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Cooper was sexually and physically abused by his father.
Staff at school noticed he was bruised but when he was interviewed by social services and the police, his parents were present and he could not speak freely.
Cooper grew up in a rural area that he describes as ‘warm and friendly’. He had two older siblings who shared a bedroom. Cooper slept in the same room as his parents.
He says he saw his parents naked ‘all the time’ and was also aware of them having sex.
Sometimes he heard his parents arguing, and then his father would creep into Cooper’s bed and rape him. He would hit Cooper if he tried to resist being raped, and he would also buy him presents that Cooper realised were given ‘in exchange’ for the abuse.
This started when he was about five years old. He remembers his mother turning over in her bed and facing the other way while her husband was raping her son.
Cooper’s father also masturbated in front of him, and made his son massage his genitals and perform oral sex on him. His father told him ‘everyone plays this game’ and that it was happening to all his friends.
But when he was interviewed, his parents were there too, and Cooper was scared to say what had happened and was also afraid of being taken away from his mother. He made up stories to explain the bruises and was told he was attention-seeking.
On a later occasion, he ran away and went to the police, but again, he was interviewed in front of his parents.
The abuse continued until Cooper was able to leave home when he was 17. He got accommodation in a safe house through a charity but by this time he was misusing drugs and alcohol, and he engaged in risky sexual behaviour.
He struggles with feeling that he was responsible for the abuse. He associates being given presents with being abused, and says if anything good happens to him ‘I have to spoil it’. He has attempted suicide and takes antidepressants.
Cooper feels it is vital for professionals to be vigilant for possible signs of abuse and to intervene early. He says ‘Even if there is just an inkling of abuse there must be a plan for exploring what is happening for a child’.
He adds that police and other agencies should not question children about abuse in front of their parents, especially not if it’s possible one of the parents is an abuser.