Cora says children should be educated from an early age about consent and their right to say ‘no’
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
When Cora was a small child, she was interviewed by police and allocated a social worker because she had been sexually abused.
However, no one took the time to gain her trust, and she was not given any counselling, so she was not able to talk about it.
The first time Cora remembers meeting her father was when she was five years old, because he had not been in her life until then. She recalls feeling really pleased that she now had a dad and how exciting it was getting to know him.
But when Cora was eight, her father began sexually abusing her. During overnight stays with him, he would get into bed with her naked, and rub his penis against her.
At first, Cora would pretend to be asleep when her father sexually abused her. Over time, the abuse escalated and he made her touch his penis. She remembers how uncomfortable and confused she felt.
Her father would tell her the abuse was their ‘secret’, and would bribe her with gifts and nice days out. Cora was a ‘painfully shy’ child and she is sure that her father knew she would not say anything.
Around this time, one of Cora’s relatives told her she was also being sexually abused by Cora’s father. The children shared their experiences with each other, but agreed they had to keep the abuse a secret, because Cora’s father had told them they must and they were afraid of him.
When Cora was 12, her father raped her. She describes how terribly painful it was, and how she cried and told her father ‘no’ throughout the rape.
She says this was the only time he raped her, but he continued touching her and, she adds, ‘I started to believe it was normal’.
Later that year, while Cora was on holiday, her father committed suicide.
Cora now knows that her father was being investigated by the police when he took his own life, following a report from another young girl. She believes there were more victims and survivors who were abused by her father.
The police interviewed Cora about the sexual abuse and she was allocated a social worker. However, she says this was not helpful. The social worker was only involved for a very short time and never actually spoke to her about the sexual abuse.
As a very shy child, Cora feels that more time should have been taken to establish a relationship with her and help her to feel comfortable enough to talk about what had happened.
Because of her experiences, Cora feels strongly that social workers should be more available to spend time with children and young people, and have the skills to help them express themselves.
Cora adds that she was never offered any counselling or therapy and she feels this could have been hugely beneficial to her at the time. She would like to see more funding for counselling for victims and survivors of child sexual abuse, tailored to suit the needs of the individual.
Although she says she feels ‘fortunate’ to have found an inner strength, Cora realises that the abuse has had an impact on her. She has struggled with intimacy and relationships and she feels she has a tendency to ‘brush things under the carpet’ and detach herself.
Cora says ‘it wasn’t the best start to life’ but adds ‘I'm a lucky one’ because she managed not to make unhelpful choices like drugs or alcohol.
She is determined to ensure her child is well educated about sexual relationships, particularly the importance of consent in sexual relationships. Cora feels that the issue of consent needs to be discussed with children from primary school age, so they understand the rights they have over their own bodies.