Debra says sexual abuse in her family was ‘an open secret’ but social services did not protect her
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Debra describes growing up in a family where widespread sexual abuse occurred over several generations.
When she gave evidence in court about one of her relatives, the police reprimanded her for not being a good witness.
Debra’s mother had been abused by her own father. Debra says she was a troubled person who was volatile and violent and only present ‘off and on … it was all very difficult’.
When she was about 12 years old, Debra was sent to live with relatives. One of her uncles, Johnny, lived in the same house, and he began to ‘lavish attention’ on her.
Later, she was sent to live with another uncle, Edwin. Debra recalls ‘He was really creepy too’. She describes him as ‘a big man and a drunk’. One night he pinned her against the wall and did something that was ‘sexually inappropriate’.
She was also sexually abused by her grandfather on one occasion, and she believes he did the same to other female relatives.
Debra moved back in with her mum, but Johnny continued to sexually abuse her. She says ‘There was no safe space… he was always controlling, always there’. One day he gave her a lift home in the car and sexually assaulted her. She says ‘I was really shaken up, I was traumatised and started crying’.
She ran into the house and went to her room. She heard Johnny tell her mum that he was going housesitting and that Debra wanted to go with him. She says ‘I was in my room shaking … but mum said I could go’. After this, Johnny began raping her.
Debra says she ran away several times and she thinks her behaviour at school would have suggested she was extremely troubled. She said some of the teachers did try to talk to her.
She told her mother that she was being sexually abused, but her mother did not seem to act on this.
When Debra was in her early teens, social services sent her on a residential placement. During her stay, one of the social workers asked her directly ‘Are you being sexually abused by your uncle?’ Debra describes how this made her feel. ‘Big time relief. I am scared because I don’t know what’s going to happen, but at least someone knows’ she says.
But social services placed Debra back with her family, which made her feel very angry. Soon after, she and her family moved away and the abuse by Johnny stopped.
Some time later, Debra was approached by the police who were investigating Johnny. She describes going to court as a ‘vile experience’. The police were angry with her because she didn’t stand up to cross-examination as they had hoped. She recalls that in court, ‘they nitpicked over what was on the TV at the time. They pick away at you. It’s a really traumatic, shaky experience’. Johnny was not convicted.
Debra describes the effect the abuse has had on her life. She says she has ‘chronic low self-esteem’ and she is drawn to dysfunctional relationships with men. She has attempted suicide.
She says she feels very let down by the systems that are supposed to be in place to protect people. Debra adds ‘This failure has been going on through the generations and is still going on … I am here because I hope things can change’.
She thinks witnesses and victims and survivors should be better prepared for court so they can respond to difficult questions and give the best evidence.