Debs wanted to protect her sister, so she returned to the family home where she was being abused
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Debs begged to be taken into care so she could escape her stepfather who was sexually abusing her.
But when her mother had another child, she went back home because she was worried for the safety of her half-sister.
Debs describes a difficult childhood. Her mother had mental health problems and was emotionally and physically abusive towards her children, who were on the child protection register.
Her father did not live with the family, and when Debs was nine years old, her mother married another man. Almost immediately, Debs’s stepfather began sexually abusing her. He would touch her and make her touch him, sometimes in front of her other sibling. He trapped her in the bathroom and sexually assaulted her.
Debs believes her mother knew about the abuse; at times she has denied it happened and on other occasions she has told Debs ‘You brought it on’.
When Debs was 11, she told her social worker that she wanted to go and live with her father. When the social worker asked why, Debs disclosed that she was being sexually abused. Her mother was in the room at the time, and she said her daughter was lying.
The social worker told Debs’s mother that either her husband or her daughter had to leave the house. Her mother chose to allow her husband to stay.
After this, Debs’s stepfather was arrested and Debs was interviewed by the police. But the investigation did not proceed, due to insufficient evidence.
Debs went to live with her father, but their relationship was difficult and within a year she had to return to her mother. By this time she was about 12. Her stepfather continued to sexually abuse her.
Debs was assigned a new social worker; she asked to be placed in foster care but her request was refused. She attempted to take her own life and was admitted into hospital. Debs remembers the social worker visiting her, and that she fought to obtain Debs a foster placement. Debs was fostered by several people, and felt reasonably settled with them.
But when she was 15, she discovered that her mother was pregnant. Worried about what might happen to the baby, she left foster care and went back to her mother. Once again, her stepfather sexually abused her, until she left the following year.
When Debs’s half-sister was about four, Debs’s mother and stepfather separated.
She discovered a few years ago that her stepfather was investigated for possession of child sexual abuse images, online grooming and the sexual abuse of another child. However, he died before the case got to court.
Debs feels she and her family were failed by most of their dealings with social services and the police throughout her childhood. She cannot understand why they did not talk to her sibling about witnessing the sexual abuse she was subjected to. She feels the sibling was disregarded because they were seen as the ‘problem child’.
However, Debs praises her last social worker who fought to find her a foster home. She believes this person did all she could for her, but was hampered by processes and management.
She would like to see more consistency in the decisions that social services make, and better continuity with staff so that children and young people can build trusting relationships. She would also like the justice system to be more considerate towards victims and survivors.
Debs sometimes experiences poor mental health and suffers with stress. Her education was disrupted as a result of her chaotic childhood, but she says she was also well supported by teachers at her secondary school who helped her re-engage and take GCSE exams. She says ‘I had to knuckle down, but the teachers really helped me’.
She is now training for a professional career working with young people.