Dianne describes the impact of child sexual abuse – ‘It undermines who you are ... your security’
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Dianne believes that being sexually abused by her brother made her vulnerable to further abuse by a teacher.
‘Had I not felt this was normal in the household I wouldn’t have made it so easy for the teacher to get away with it’ she says.
Dianne faced difficulties during her childhood. She went to a lot of different schools because her father was in the armed forces and the family frequently moved. She struggled with school work because she had a learning disorder which was not diagnosed at the time.
She was eight years old when her older brother started sexually and physically abusing her. This abuse continued for four years.
At secondary school, Dianne was bullied and physically abused by other girls in her class. She confided in a teacher, Mr Williams, about what was happening to her at home and in school, but instead of helping her, he exploited her vulnerability and began grooming her.
Mr Williams would hug Dianne, and at the time, she says, she thought he was being kind. But she became uncomfortable when he started touching her inappropriately. He sexually abused her on a school trip. ‘I woke up with his hands where they shouldn’t be’ she says, although Mr Williams claimed that Dianne had been having a nightmare and he was trying to help by waking her.
The teacher invited Dianne to his family home for meals. After, he would drive her home in his car and sexually abuse her.
The abuse stopped when Dianne’s family moved because of one of her parent’s work.
Dianne was at school in the 1970s. She says physical abuse by teachers was common, such as throwing wooden chalkboard dusters at pupils. ‘They would clip you round the head’ she adds.
She believes that because this behaviour was considered ‘normal’ at the time, it led to men getting away with other behaviours, such as groping women. She says this would be considered ‘just one of those things’.
Dianne knows that her behaviour at school was affected by the abuse she was experiencing and she was very isolated. No one picked up on this but Dianne comments that one reason why was probably that she moved schools so often because of her father’s work.
Many years later, Dianne’s brother was convicted and sent to prison for sexually abusing other children. She gave evidence in the court case.
Dianne has been affected in many ways by the abuse she suffered as a child. She finds it hard to trust people, and says she is very overprotective of her children.
She has difficulty working and is aware that she often feels defensive and this can be interpreted by others as aggression. ‘I will defend myself, psychologically and emotionally rolling into a ball, but at the same time the spikes will come out to defend me’ she says.
In the past, she has been plagued by guilt about being sexually abused, but says she has now realised that she was a child and not in control of what was happening.
Dianne would like there to be increased awareness in schools so pupils known to have difficult home lives or who are vulnerable can be better protected from abuse. She says ‘People don’t realise that if things are going off in their family this makes them way more vulnerable. If I had been happier at home I may not have been so susceptible’.
She adds that children should have safe spaces in schools when they need support, or to talk to someone.
Dianne has completed academic studies related to trauma and she says this has helped her understand and accept herself.