Eladon says ‘I lived a life of fear, fear, fear and angst’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Eladon is of Romany heritage. He says this identity is important to him, but he has suffered abuse and discrimination because of it.
Eladon’s father was extremely violent to his mother and was sent to prison. Eladon was taken into care when he was a small baby.
Eladon has a significant sensory disability and a neurodevelopmental disorder, which were not diagnosed until he was an adult, and affected his behaviour as a child. He was sent to a residential school when he was about eight years old, because his primary school ‘couldn’t cope’ with him.
From the moment he arrived, Eladon was physically abused and bullied by other pupils and staff. This included being beaten, threatened with drowning and locked in a cellar.
He once tried to help another child who was being physically abused, and the child died later. He was very distressed, and he began spending time in one of the school workshops.
A member of staff who worked there started sexually abusing Eladon. The abuse included rape, and the man also threatened and hurt him.
Eladon comments that at that stage, he couldn’t tell the difference between abuse and love. ‘I thought that was all right … he must like me’, he says. An older boy in the school also sexually abused him.
Eladon says he knew that if he told anyone it would make things worse. After a time, he was excluded from the school and sent to a number of others, where he suffered more physical and psychological abuse. He was beaten, spat at, called names and humiliated. He was also sexually abused by several boys.
As an adult, Eladon reported the abuse he suffered to the police but he was told there was not enough evidence to proceed. He has tried again, but says they ‘have done nothing’.
He obtained a copy of his school record and he reads, ‘Eladon was isolated, picked on, abused and headbanging and self-abusing’. He comments ‘They knew and they did nothing, they did nothing’.
Eladon has been significantly affected by his traumatic childhood experiences. He became very aggressive as a child and used to feel extreme rage, but says this does not happen any more. He became vulnerable to further sexual abuse, and blamed himself for being abused.
He is estranged from his family, he avoids sexual relationships and does not want to have children. He says he sees childbirth as ‘another victim coming into the world’. He has flashbacks, and hides away from other people, especially men. Pubs and drinking culture frighten him.
Eladon does not feel confident about talking to anyone else about the abuse he suffered, because he doesn’t think they will understand his condition.
He is unable to work because of his disability. He lives with an older person who used to care for him, but he worries about his future after she dies because he is afraid of being bullied and abused again.