Eliana says ‘I wish I had reported the abuse to protect other people, but I felt loyalty to the school’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
As a naive schoolgirl, eager to impress her peers, Eliana was flattered when a male teacher started giving her attention.
His abusive behaviour led to her developing a distorted perception of sex and relationships that still affects her.
Eliana grew up in a loving home with idealistic parents.
She attended a faith-based, mixed boarding school that members of her family were very involved with.
Eliana describes how excited she was about starting at the school – she imagined that she would be seen as somewhat special because of her family connections.
When a new teacher, Mr Williams, arrived at the school, he quickly became a popular figure. ‘We all liked him … he was fun’ says Eliana.
She was quite naive and immature, and when Mr Williams paid her particular attention at the next school dance, she says ‘I was very flattered … I thought it made me seem special’. Other members of staff were at the dance.
Mr Williams, who was married with young children, took Eliana out of the hall and walked her to his classroom. She doesn’t remember all the details of what happened but she knows he got her to perform oral sex on him. She was 13 years old.
Eliana remembers Mr Williams telling her that she mustn’t tell anyone. She felt disappointed about this because she was so eager to impress the other girls at school, some of whom boasted about having sexual experiences.
But she didn’t tell anyone ‘because he told me not to’. She adds ‘I complied because that’s what you did with teachers’.
After this, Mr Williams sexually abused Eliana many times. She is not sure how long it went on for. She recalls ‘There were situations I cringe to think about and I can’t believe staff didn’t notice. I don’t know if they did and didn’t do anything about it’.
She recalls one occasion when Mr Williams was nearly caught abusing her by someone who walked in, and he had to pull his trousers up quickly.
The abuse ended when Eliana left the school at the age of 16. She thinks he left soon after. She had still not told anyone about it at this stage.
In the following years, Eliana says that her academic performance declined – she failed key exams – and she made ‘some awful mistakes in relationships’. She describes having a distorted view of what men were entitled to expect from her, and how she should behave with men to get their attention. This led to her having experiences that she describes as ‘excruciating’.
She got married but found intimacy with her husband very difficult. She says they only stayed together as long as they did for the sake of their children.
Eliana suffers with depression; she has had some counselling but still feels that she hasn’t come to terms with her childhood experiences.
She thinks that she might have been better protected if her school had made more thorough checks on teachers and if children had had better education about sex and appropriate behaviour.
She adds that she wishes she had reported the abuse by Mr Williams when it was happening.