Elis feels proud of the way he has coped with his past experiences of abuse
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Elis was at secondary school when he met a supply teacher who sexually abused him.
He wonders why no one questioned that this man was spending a lot of time alone with adolescent boys.
Elis started at secondary school in the 2000s. Mr Smith was a supply teacher at the school, and he began paying Elis attention, calling out funny comments to make him laugh.
Elis says ‘He invited me into his classroom with the sixth formers. I started playing with them which was cool’.
He remembers that Mr Smith was often called to give support if the ‘difficult kids’ were playing up – the supply teacher seemed to have a good rapport with young people.
Mr Smith ran a club which was attended by youngsters from different schools he taught at. He invited Elis and some of Elis’s friends to join. He put on organised activities and took them on trips. Sometimes he paid for Elis to go because his parents could not afford to pay.
Elis relates ‘We used to go to his house and watch films. I remember thinking it was a bit weird a teacher was asking us round, but I saw him as a father figure. At the time I didn’t have much of a relationship with my dad, and I could talk to Mr Smith about my problems’.
When Elis was about 13, he was due to sit exams, and Mr Smith offered to tutor him in preparation. The lessons took place in Mr Smith’s house, and he started sexually abusing Elis.
It began on the pretext of ‘punishment or reward’ for the work Elis did, starting with slapping his hand, or stroking it. Elis says ‘Over months and years this progressively got worse and worse … I knew it was wrong’.
Mr Smith would rub Elis's back, and touch his bottom. He started getting Elis to take his clothes off and would hit him with his hand or a slipper.
He once took Elis on a trip and got into bed with him. Elis says ‘I remember feeling uncomfortable and laying awake all night with my eyes open’.
The abuser went to Elis’s house and told his parents he needed more tutoring, and they agreed. This time, the abuse escalated to Mr Smith making Elis lie down while he tried to masturbate him. Elis recalls ‘I froze. I knew it was wrong; I didn’t want to be there’.
Mr Smith would then give Elis a lift home and abuse him in the car.
The abuse ended after the supply teacher moved away.
The experiences of abuse affected Elis’s wellbeing and development from his teenage years to his adulthood. He became disruptive at school, and he relates ‘When I was 16 or 17 I was trying to get into relationships but I was so confused’. He continues ‘I became a nasty person … getting into fights just to prove myself’.
Elis says ‘I felt worthless. I had anxiety walking down the street … I couldn’t really function. I used to think everyone knew what had happened and I should have done something about it’.
When Elis left school, he joined the armed forces and he says this was his salvation. Some time after he joined, a friend spoke to him about being sexually abused. This prompted Elis to report Mr Smith to the police and also to contact the armed forces welfare service.
He says of the service ‘That was the best thing I ever did’ but he was disappointed by the police response. He says ‘They weren’t proactive, things seemed to take ages. I got the impression that my case wasn’t that serious’. They did not arrest Mr Smith, who was abroad, and Elis heard later that the abuser was dead.
Elis says he is still affected by his experiences, but he adds ‘I feel proud because of my mental strength. I did things I regret, but people go through different things, and it’s how you deal with them. It was good for me to join the armed forces … it’s made me proud of the person I am’.
He does feel angry with the school and other authority figures for not questioning why a man in his 50s was taking children to his house and on unaccompanied trips. He thinks that as a supply teacher, Mr Smith was able to move around and avoid being caught, but that his behaviour should have been challenged.
Elis says people with responsibility to protect children should be proactive; they should ‘actually do something and show some moral courage’.
Elis concludes by saying that he feels motivated to help people and he would like his future career to be in the police.