Fleur says counselling turned her life around
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Fleur was raped by her stepfather for more than three years.
She showed possible signs of sexual abuse but these were not picked up by clinical or educational professionals.
Fleur remembers her early life with her parents as very deprived. Her parents separated when she was seven years old, and a year later her mum started a new relationship with a man, who moved into the family home.
Very soon after this, Fleur’s new stepfather began sexually abusing and raping her. This continued until she was in her early teens.
Fleur remembers one occasion when her mum came home and her stepfather was abusing her. He covered up what he was doing by pretending that she was sick and he was looking after her.
During the years that Fleur was being abused, she was taken regularly to the GP because she had cystitis. These recurring symptoms were not questioned. She says her stepfather always told her no one would believe her if she spoke about the abuse.
When Fleur was still very young she would draw pictures at school of people having sex. No one picked up on this apparent knowledge of sex in a young child.
Sometimes on weekends, Fleur went to stay with her biological father. She says he would ‘perv’ at her, but he did not rape her. She remembers thinking his behaviour was what ‘all daddies did’. It stopped when her father got a girlfriend.
When Fleur was in her early teens, she started drinking. She remembers feeling that she was ‘gaining power and control’, but also says ‘I was always angry and always wanted to fight the world’. At this stage, her stepfather stopped sexually abusing her.
About two years later, Fleur was ‘kicked out’ of her family home. Some time after this, her mum and stepfather split up, and her mum asked her ‘You’re not going to start seeing him are you?’ She says she was very shocked at this question.
Fleur finally met a decent guy who she married. She says she often felt suspicious about why he was so nice. They had children and Fleur has sometimes found parenting difficult. She thinks she has been over protective and hypervigilant.
She suggests that children and young people should be encouraged that they can and should tell the police if they are being abused.
Fleur would also like to see more education about sexual abuse for professionals. In her case, she feels the GP and teachers should have questioned what might have been happening to her because of her symptoms and behaviour.
She and her husband went to counselling together, related to another issue, and she says this has changed her life.
Fleur would like counselling to be available for all victims and survivors for as long as they need it. ‘You can't do it by yourself’, she says.