Gayle says of the people who did not protect her, ‘I feel they should be made to answer for that’
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
As an adult, Gayle managed to access her social services files from childhood.
Although a lot of detail had been redacted, it was very painful for her to read about the abuse she suffered, and how she was let down by authorities.
Gayle describes a ‘chaotic’ upbringing. Her parents were alcoholics and her dad was very violent towards her mum. Social services had previously removed children from the couple and Gayle was on the at-risk register.
Her mum had a painful health condition and from the age of six, Gayle took on responsibility for herself and some of the housework. She says because she was left to take care of herself, she became self-sufficient and did not like being told what to do.
Gayle’s mum wouldn't let her wash or have a bath, telling her that it cost too much money. When Gayle got chicken pox, her mum didn’t notice and sent her to school. Gayle comments ‘I wasn’t a very agreeable child, I wasn’t very clean, through the neglect’.
A couple who lived close by would see Gayle out playing late at night and they invited her to their house. The wife would give her sweets and biscuits, and the husband would play with her, but he began using this as a cover to touch her private parts.
When she was eight years old, Gayle’s father came home drunk, with a man he had met in the pub. She says he seemed nice at first, then he cornered her in her bedroom and tried to make her touch his penis.
Another neighbour lured Gayle into his house, saying he had a kitten. She started visiting him regularly, he made her sandwiches which she says ‘was a lot to me’ and he made friends with her dad. After a few weeks he started sexually abusing her. He touched her, showed her indecent images and talked to her about oral sex.
Gayle told a friend what the neighbour was doing, and her friend told her mum, who passed it on to Gayle’s parents and the police. Gayle’s mum said she didn't believe Gayle, and her father said he would shoot the man. ‘I was so scared so I backtracked on everything I’d said’ Gayle relates.
The police interviewed Gayle and her friend, and Gayle says she again denied what she had said, even though it was true.
She relates that there was ‘one lovely neighbour, like a grandad figure’. He took her in if her mum threw her out of the house late in the evening, he made sure she washed and went to school, and he contacted social services.
Up until this point, Gayle does not remember having any contact with social services, even though she was on the at-risk register. The social worker who started seeing her would not allow the neighbour to have contact with Gayle. However, Gayle says he never did anything abusive to her and she wishes they had left her there with him.
By the time she was about 10, Gayle was in very poor physical condition. She was so pale she says, she was ‘translucent’, and she now knows she was anaemic.
Gayle also remembers that she said something sexually inappropriate at school, and staff asked her if anything was happening to her. She says ‘I don’t think I said anything about sexual abuse because I didn’t want anything winding my dad up again’.
She adds that she was ‘malnourished and always in dirty clothes’, and she thinks the school got social services involved. She says this time she was seen by a ‘decent social worker’ who witnessed her mother being drunk and threatening, and obtained a care order for Gayle.
This social worker still keeps in touch with Gayle.
From the age of 11, Gayle had a succession of placements in foster homes and residential care.
Her mum died of alcoholism during this time. Gayle saw her ‘in a terrible state’ shortly before she died and was later hospitalised due to shock.
The abuse Gayle suffered has been reported to the police three times in total. After she was interviewed with her friend, she gave two more statements while she was in care.
The perpetrator was arrested but Gayle was told that the Crown Prosecution Service did not think her account was reliable. She says the letter that she received telling her this was impersonal and full of inaccuracies. After receiving it, she attempted to take her own life.
Gayle applied to see her files. When they were produced, they were heavily redacted and she was allowed two hours to look at them. Some of the details she saw about the way her older siblings had been treated by her parents were very difficult to read, and she was not offered any support.
She saw that she had been left in a shocking condition with little support from professionals who should have protected her. ‘I feel like they should be made to answer for that, but I don’t know how to make them’ she says.
Gayle suffers from severe depression. She often feels angry and defensive and says this affects her work and her social life. She finds it hard to trust people and to have intimate relationships. ‘I don’t like anyone touching me in any way … I don’t like hugs. I feel quite lonely.’
She feels concerned that the Crown Prosecution Service only proceeds with cases that are likely to result in a conviction, and in this way she feels they act as ‘judge and jury’. She feels that sentences for child sexual abusers are too lenient and she would like to see more public education on sexual exploitation.
Gayle expresses forgiveness towards her parents because she says that they struggled with issues and difficulties.
When she was in her late 20s, Gayle went to college. She now works as a health professional and finds her relationships with her patients rewarding. ‘I know they are vulnerable and I know I’m good at my job.’
She is having therapy but still finds it hard to deal with the abuse she suffered.
‘When you’re not believed it destroys you’ she says.