Gaz says being sexually abused by a sports coach ‘put me in emotional turmoil which is still with me’
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Gaz was a talented diver, and he began training and competing when he was about eight or nine years old.
He joined a new club, and within a year the coach began sexually abusing him.
Gaz says ‘I was 11 years old; it still shocks me to this day how a 45-year-old man could do that to a boy. And I despair it is still going on’.
Gaz describes how the coach, Nestor, first abused him during a competition. Gaz had been feeling very pleased because for the first time, he had made it to the final.
But before the event started, in the changing rooms, Nestor told Gaz he would help him prepare by giving him a massage. The coach took Gaz into a cubicle and told him to take his trunks off. Gaz says ‘He looked at me in a way that made me nervous’.
Nestor then fondled Gaz’s genitals and masturbated him.
Gaz took part in the final, but the whole way through he says ‘I was worried about what might happen on the way home. He had given me a lift to the competition’.
His fear turned out to be well-founded. The coach dropped all the other children home first, then told Gaz to get into the front seat of the vehicle. Gaz tried to refuse, but Nestor insisted. He then repeated the sexual abuse.
Gaz says ‘I didn’t want it to happen … I knew what it was. I was ashamed and devastated. It made me feel sick, I couldn’t believe it was happening. The last thing he said was “Don’t tell anybody”’.
From that day on, Nestor sexually abused him whenever he got the opportunity.
Gaz says that as well as being good at diving, he was also bright and did well at school. ‘But I lost my self-respect. I had to hide what was happening.’ He adds that homophobic abuse was commonplace at the time, in the 1970s, and that added to his distress and confusion.
When Gaz was about 15, he says ‘I started to fend him off’ and the abuse ended.
More than a decade later, Gaz learned that Nestor had been convicted of sexual abuse and sent to prison. A few years later, the coach appeared in court again on further charges, but was acquitted.
Gaz subsequently went to the police and reported the abuse he had suffered. Nestor denied the allegations and the Crown Prosecution Service said there was not enough evidence to proceed with the case. Gaz says ‘I was prepared to go to court … I felt ignored’.
Reflecting on the impacts of the abuse that he has lived with for 50 years, Gaz explains that he had a breakdown in his mid 20s and still suffers with poor mental health. He remains confused about his sexuality and this prevented him pursuing his ambition to join the forces.
He adds ‘I get flashbacks of the abuse. It was horrible and it sickens me to this day’.
He describes feeling an overwhelming sense of failure, and not liking himself.
Gaz thinks that sentencing of child sexual abusers should be carefully considered so it acts as a deterrent to offenders.
He says that although he finds relationships difficult and dislikes big groups of people, he feels supported by his therapist, and his family and friends. ‘So I’m luckier than a lot of people.’