Gazala says the sexual abuse she experienced became ‘the dirty laundry of the community’
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Like many other young children at her school, Gazala was sent to a small mosque in a neighbourhood house for several hours a week.
There, she was sexually abused and raped over three years by a person in authority. When she officially reported the abuse three years later, she and her family were threatened and ostracised by their community.
Now in her 30s, Gazala explains that when she was a child, it seemed that ‘just about anyone’ could set up a ‘house mosque’. She says many parents used these places as ‘glorified babysitters’, assuming their children would be safe and well-cared for.
A young man associated with the house mosque Gazala attended groomed her, sexually abused her and raped her. He was 17 when he began abusing Gazala. She was eight years old, and the abuse continued for three years.
Gazala explains that it was only when she began sex education in her final year of primary school that she ‘began to understand what was going on’.
She describes how difficult it was for her at that age to tell anyone directly what was going on, but says she tried to communicate it in different ways, such as writing stories. At one point a teacher asked her if something was wrong, but she denied it.
Later, her school contacted the police, who came to the family home and questioned Gazala in front of her parents. She recalls ‘I still didn’t want to speak about it, but my mum took me out of the mosque.’
By the time she started secondary school, Gazala says the abuse had started to affect her behaviour significantly – she kept getting into trouble and was suspended. She says ‘My character splintered’.
Luckily for her, she says, her parents sent her to a private school. She believes that the smaller classes enabled teachers to be more aware of the possible reasons for her behaviour. She says one teacher she was close to asked her questions, and she told her about the abuse. By this time, she was in her early teens.
The police began an investigation that involved several victims. She explains that lots of children at her school had attended the same house mosque but many families did not want to be involved.
A few years later, the case went to court. Gazala says that she had memory lapses and got some details wrong, and that the lawyers ‘destroyed me’. However, the abuser was found guilty of offences against Gazala and another victim and given a custodial sentence.
The sexual abuse and the investigation had a significant impact on Gazala and her family, particularly her mother. She says the community ‘turned against me’, and they experienced abuse and threats. She had PTSD and attempted suicide.
However, looking back at the time that she first tried to communicate that something was wrong, she adds ‘I am proud that I took myself out of the situation and I am proud my mum would do that for me – she is very strong’.
Gazala would like professionals who work with children to be more alert to signs of possible abuse. She says ‘I know teachers have a lot to do, but looking back I was a textbook case of abuse and if I’d been asked about it in a different way I might have said something.’
She says that institutions need to be aware of ways to approach different cultures – she feels the police were too abrupt when they questioned her at home in front of her parents.
Gazala has praise for the police officer who dealt with her case, but says she would have benefited from better preparation for the court case. She says ‘Sometimes things like laughing can be a defence mechanism, but not everyone realises that.’
She speaks about the difficulties women can face in communities where men have a higher status, explaining that her abuser was supported by prominent and influential people. ‘I think it was honour-based, because he was a man.’
Gazala says that the experience has caused her to turn away from her faith, but adds ‘It’s not about religion, it’s how it’s delivered’. She would like to see education in mosques about child sexual abuse, and says ‘Anyone who looks after children should be checked, including faith people’.
She feels that had it not been for the abuse, she would have been married with children by now. She says that it was even suggested by someone that she should marry the abuser, because he had taken her virginity.
Gazala has friends and a successful career that she enjoys but she still struggles with a feeling of being ‘a bit abandoned’. She says ‘I don’t think I need counselling but there are some things that affect me and take me back to the court case… I don’t want to sound needy but if you are “kind of coping” you don’t get help.’