‘Abuse is classless and all children should be believed’ says Gerry
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Gerry lived with his parents and two older brothers. He went to a local preparatory school and he describes being ‘picked on by the masters’ and how this affected his self-esteem.
He experienced more extreme bullying from other pupils when he was sent to boarding school, and he believes this may have made him vulnerable to the sexual abuse that he suffered at the hands of one of the teachers.
Gerry reports spending the first three months at boarding school ‘trying to hide from the bullies’ in his brother’s cupboard. The brutality included something called ‘the circle of death’ which involved him being stripped naked and beaten by a group of prefects.
When he was 13 years old Gerry joined a confirmation group which met at the house of Reverend Sullivan, the religious education teacher.
One evening, Reverend Sullivan asked Gerry to go alone to his house. During the evening Gerry was given alcohol, cigarettes and shown films that he thinks were about circumcision. The teacher undressed Gerry, took him to his bedroom and performed oral sex on him and made Gerry do the same to him.
The abuser then tried to coerce Gerry into being anally penetrated and photographed naked. Gerry refused to let this happen, but photographs were taken of him fully clothed.
He says he was made to feel he had ‘done something wrong’ by not agreeing to these demands from Reverend Sullivan. The teacher put the photograph of Gerry in a box, and Gerry saw it contained ‘lots of other pictures, of lots of other boys’.
After this experience, Gerry says he started smoking more, drinking alcohol and sniffing aerosols. He recalls how Reverend Sullivan would often smile at him in lessons, and how uncomfortable this made him feel. He adds that his school work started to suffer.
On another occasion, Gerry was at a restaurant with his parents where Reverend Sullivan was also dining with another man. He felt very uncomfortable and went to the toilet. Reverend Sullivan came in and reached his hand out to him. Gerry quickly returned to the restaurant and became very anxious when Reverend Sullivan came over to the table to chat with his parents. Gerry says he was worried that he would ‘shine the spotlight on him’.
When he was 15, Gerry was moved to a day school – he thinks this was because his schoolwork had deteriorated so much. This move to another school, Gerry says was ‘great – like shining a beacon of freedom’.
He left school with three qualifications and was later he was diagnosed with dyslexia and slow memory processing disorder.
Gerry relates that he went on a ‘self-destructive path’, describing himself as a heavy smoker, drinker and gambler, suffering from regular bouts of depression. When he was 19 he spent a year in a wheelchair recovering from a car accident.
A few years ago, Gerry saw Reverend Sullivan at the other end of the bar in his local pub. He says he felt like he ‘was a child again’ and he dropped his drink.
Shortly after this incident, Gerry heard that Reverend Sullivan had died and that there were plans to celebrate his life at the boarding school. Gerry wrote anonymously to the headmaster telling him of his abuse.
The headmaster replied saying that he would ‘look into it if necessary’ and would respect Gerry’s anonymity. He believes the headmaster spoke to staff who had worked with the teacher but they all said that they were unaware of any suspicions of abuse. Gerry finds this hard to believe as ‘everyone knew what he was like’.
However, the planned celebration did not go ahead.
Gerry says he has been ‘holding all this in for many years’. He continues to work and manages his abusive experience by putting a ‘shield’ around it. He has recently accessed specialist counselling.
He is married with children and his wife knows about the abuse and the support he is accessing. He ‘desperately wants to know’ if his parents knew about the abuse, but as they are elderly he doesn’t want to ‘break them as well’.
Gerry describes how the abuse has affected him. He feels ‘guilt and shame’ as if he did something wrong, and he has experienced many periods of depression. He says it is only recently that he has been able to start to work through his experience.
He believes that awareness about child sexual abuse is crucial. He thinks all children need to have age-appropriate information to help them understand that ‘this behaviour is not ok’ and someone they can talk to.
Gerry hopes that the Truth Project sessions will provide some learning, ensure people feels less isolated and help them find some closure on their experience of child sexual abuse.