Gilbert was not safe at home, but his parents failed to protect him
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Gilbert and his sister were both raped by their older brother in the family home.
This happened on many occasions, when the brother was left alone to look after his siblings, until Gilbert was about seven or eight years old. Gilbert’s brother threatened to kill him if he told anyone about the abuse.
One morning after he had been raped, Gilbert told his mother what had happened, but she called him a liar and a troublemaker.
Gilbert says this felt like a ‘double whammy’ – he had reached out to his mother to protect him but had been met with hostility.
He remembers that he went to school that day feeling very traumatised, and he remained traumatised for a long time. He did not feel safe in his own home.
Some time later, Gilbert’s mother told his father of the abuse and soon after, his father sent his older brother away from the family home.
By this time, the abuse had been going on for several years and continued on occasions when his brother returned to the family home when their father was away, and Gilbert’s mother let him in.
During this time, his brother involved his girlfriend in the abuse and got her to sexually touch Gilbert.
Gilbert feels angry that his father knew what his brother was doing and thinks he should have reported his brother to the police, rather than sending him away from the home. He also feels resentment towards his mother, as she failed to protect him.
The abuse has had long-term effects on Gilbert. He describes himself as ‘damaged, mentally and emotionally’. As a teenager, he experienced learning difficulties.
The effects of his abuse were mistaken as bad behaviour, and he was always in trouble at school.
When a teacher called in a specialist to see him, Gilbert’s mum said if he told anyone of the abuse it would get his father in trouble, or cause Gilbert to be put in a care home. This threat frightened him into silence.
Gilbert suffered bed-wetting problems until the age of 15, which he found very embarrassing. He wouldn’t go to the toilet, because the action of going to the toilet felt like the abuse his brother had subjected him to.
As a teenager, Gilbert experienced a spell in a borstal that he describes as ‘hellish’, after pleading guilty out of fear to crimes he did not commit.
This pattern continued throughout his youth and early adulthood. He started self-harming and deliberately threw a concrete block on his foot. He received no help or support, and nobody picked up on the cause of his self-harming.
Gilbert describes how he condemned himself and considered that he must be a bad person to end up in his situation. But he speaks of a moment, after he became so depressed that he considered ending his life, when it dawned on him that none of it was his fault and he tried to ‘build himself back up’.
When he was in his 20s, Gilbert reported his abuse to the police but was told to forget about it. He made a further report in 2009, and this time it was treated seriously.
His sister gave evidence to the police on Gilbert’s behalf but said she did not want her elder brother to be prosecuted for what he did to her.
Gilbert suggests that perhaps his sister thought she had volunteered for what her elder brother did to her. However, Gilbert had witnessed his sister being violently raped by her elder brother as a young child.
Gilbert’s brother has several charges of child abuse against him but cannot be arrested as he currently lives abroad in a country with no extradition agreement with the UK.
Gilbert would like to see his brother brought to justice; he feels that his brother has completely got away with what he did.
Gilbert sought compensation from the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority, but his application has been turned down. The grounds for this include the fact that the abuse occurred too long ago, which Gilbert considers is discriminatory.
He is currently appealing this decision.
Many years have passed since his abuse.
Gilbert lives alone.
He does not think he can have a relationship with anyone and says he does not want one. His experience has made him suspicious of people who are nice to him; he thinks they have an ulterior motive. He had a long-term friendship, but he was suspicious of this friend at first.
He believes that society is ignorant of child sexual abuse as it is too ‘taboo’ to talk about.