After a lifetime of physical abuse, Glenn thought a sexual abuser was showing him love
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Glenn’s story begins when he was taken away from his homeless mother soon after he was born and taken into care. His mother was denied visitation rights and she had passed away by the time he left care. He never knew the identity of his father.
He spent time in several different children’s homes across the country. During this time, he suffered physical and sexual abuse by his carers and at the hands of regular visitors approved by the homes.
Although these visitors were strangers to Glenn, they were allowed to take him out on unsupervised trips.
Glenn says that one particular children’s home was the worst of all the places he was sent to. He recounts psychological, sexual and physical abuse, including what he describes as ‘torture’.
Children were often locked in dark rooms, left alone for long periods of time and deprived of sleep and food. He said that staff would eat food meant for the children, who were given porridge. He remembers scrabbling around under the staff tables at mealtimes to pick up scraps of food that had fallen to the floor.
Regular beatings and violence from staff occurred, including staff members grabbing his genitals. Threats were made to the children ahead of any external inspections due to take place.
He regularly tried to escape from this home but was always found and returned. During one attempt, he was picked up by the police and taken to a local station where he reported the abuse he had experienced.
Glenn is not aware that the police ever investigated the report or intervened in any way, but he thinks that the escapes and accusations of abuse eventually became too regular for the authorities to ignore. After this, the abuse ceased but he remained deeply affected by what he had suffered, and this affected his behaviour.
Moved to another succession of children’s homes, Glenn says he experienced further physical beatings and sexual abuse. He also remembers being taken out on unsupervised trips by a male visitor and sexually abused.
At the time, Glenn was confused and embarrassed by this behaviour but believed the perpetrator was showing love to him, and he did not report it.
Subsequently, the police contacted Glenn to ask if he had been sexually abused at one of the homes. He says he felt ashamed of what had happened and did not feel ready to admit it.
After some time, he spoke to his GP about the abuse he had suffered, and contacted the police. He says they were open to listening to his experiences, something he hadn’t found previously.
Glenn says that one of the effects of the abuse was that he felt it was a waste of time reporting wrongs to those in authority due to their inaction.
He feels no trust or confidence in institutions. He also suffers anxiety and depression and describes being ‘spooked’ by love and affection and feeling in ‘self-destruct’ mode.
He has been unable to access information about the identities of staff members and visitors to the various homes in which he lived. His perpetrators cannot be traced, are deceased or (according to the provider’s records) do not exist.
Glenn knows that these staff members and visitors did exist, but he feels he is being accused of lying. He would like all the visitors’ books to be released so that he and others may identify who the visitors were.
It is still unclear to Glenn what checks, if any, the provider made on visitors to the homes before allowing them access to children.
Glenn is keen for justice to be served. He does not mean this in monetary terms, but he wants the children’s home provider to accept responsibility and give him an apology.