Graden says that when he was a child ‘there was no control over who went where with who’
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Graden was sexually abused by a clergyman who was trusted by his parents.
He did not feel able to speak about it at the time and says ‘He got away unpunished, his reputation was not tarnished’.
Graden’s parents were religious and when he was in his early teens they arranged for him to attend bible classes with a middle-aged curate, Reverend Green, from their church.
Graden went to Reverend Green’s residence at weekends or in the evenings, along with some other boys. Graden says there were never any girls there. The curate was in sole charge of them, and Graden relates that he gave them strong beer to drink.
The other boys would leave first because they lived nearby, but Graden’s home was further away and he had to be driven home by Reverend Green. After the others had left, Reverend Green would touch him sexually, disguising this as ‘play fighting’.
Graden doesn’t remember all the details or how often it happened. ‘I blocked it out for 45 years’ he says. But he knows it happened frequently, and that he resisted the curate’s abuse.
On one occasion, he went to use the toilet and realised Reverend Green was watching him through the window. Alarmed and embarrassed, he didn’t say anything when he went back to join the group. He says ‘I was nervous, with very little confidence’.
Graden didn’t feel able to tell his parents either. He thinks his mother would have been devastated. But he adds that he is not sure he would have been believed – ‘parents were less suspicious in those days’.
Over time, Graden spent less time with Reverend Green, and then Reverend Green moved to another parish.
In his adult life, Graden got married, had children and focused on his professional career. Following an incident at his workplace, he raised a safeguarding concern and this brought back his suppressed memories and emotions of being sexually abused.
He spoke to his employer and then his wife about the abuse he had experienced, and after seeing advertisements about the Truth Project, decided to share his experience.
He feels concerned that other children may have been sexually abused by Reverend Green and he feels guilty for not speaking out about the abuse.
Graden says he hopes that protection is better now but he suggests that the rules should be strictly applied for teaching in private houses. ‘The law must be strong enough not to allow children to be put in vulnerable situations’ he says.
He adds ‘Young people must feel able to talk to someone if they wish to divulge sexual abuse and help and support should be available to them’.
Graden says he will probably talk to his children about his experience of sexual abuse at a suitable time. ‘I will tell them that if anything happens to them they should talk about it, don’t leave it like I did so it’s too late to do anything.’