Grahame describes feeling powerless against the might of the Church
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Grahame was sexually abused while he was at a theology school.
He was later told to leave the Order because of his behaviour.
Grahame had a difficult childhood. His mum had mental health problems which he found distressing, and he was given prescription medication.
His performance at school was slipping and when he was 14 he was sent away to a junior seminary. He says the first year was ‘ok’; he settled in and passed some exams.
One of the brothers in the Order arranged a camping trip. During the trip, the boys all slept together in a large tent. The brother showed them a book about sex, and asked them questions about whether they had erections.
A few years later, on another trip, Grahame was allowed to drink. He says he was ‘a bit woozy’ when they went back to the tent and the brother encouraged him to masturbate.
Later, in confession, Grahame told the priest that he was concerned about masturbation. He was advised to talk to one of the senior brothers and told him what had happened on the camping trip.
This brother was very angry with his colleague and said he should be whipped, but he also told Grahame not to tell his parents, so he never did. No further action was taken by the church.
By the time Grahame joined the senior seminary, he says he understood he had been groomed and manipulated ‘into a relationship that I wasn’t really in charge of for his sexual gratification’. He adds that he was showing some emotions that weren't ‘acceptable’ in the seminary, and he was asked to leave the Order.
More than 20 years later, Grahame wrote to the Order about what had happened to him. He was contacted by a safeguarding team, but later told ‘no crime had been committed’.
Grahame describes feeling ‘like a child talking to a giant. It felt as if the whole Church would collapse on top of me if I shared this story or confronted this person’. But he decided to write to the brother who had abused him. Shortly afterwards, he was informed that the brother had died.
He says the impact of the abuse on him has been like ‘an iceberg … you don't realise it’s there but it affects you in lots of ways’.
Grahame suffers with his mental health. He has flashbacks and anxiety, particularly about feeling controlled by others. He has recently had counselling and says it has ‘lifted the lid’ on a difficult part of his life.
He adds that sharing his experience has been healing, and ‘allowed the memories to be dealt with’.
Grahame works in public services and he finds this satisfying. He says the environment is ‘more welcoming and Christian, less judgemental and more healing than the Church’.