Hailey’s family did not protect her from her abusive grandfather, nor did any authorities
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
When Hailey told her parents that her grandfather was sexually abusing her, her father beat her.
She told a teacher about the abuse, who reported it to the police, but no action was taken.
Hailey was seven years old when her grandfather first sexually abused her, and he continued abusing her until she was in her mid teens.
The abuse took place in his car and his home. He would make her sit on his lap and touch her sexually, make her touch his penis, and try to kiss her on the lips. Sometimes he gave her neat vodka to drink.
Hailey told her mum what was happening, and she says her mum believed her. But when her father heard, he beat Hailey for saying things about his father. Other members of her family turned against her, saying she was making it up and that she was ‘dirty’.
After this, whenever her grandfather abused her, Hailey felt she couldn’t tell anyone.
On one occasion Hailey was with her grandfather in his car and he pulled his trousers down, grabbed her hand and made her touch his penis.
When he saw Hailey’s dad approaching, her grandfather pulled his trousers up and told her to ‘shut up’ and that no one would believe her if she told. Hailey’s dad told her to go into the house. Hailey said she felt sure he knew what was happening ‘but he repeated what he did previously – absolutely nothing’.
Hailey says that during this time her behaviour changed radically. One day a boy in school touched her and she ‘freaked out’. She plucked up the courage to tell a teacher that she was being sexually abused. The teacher contacted the police but no action was taken, on the grounds there was no evidence.
She describes an incident of abuse when her dad left her at her grandfather’s house to stay the night. She says she felt ‘scared to blink’. She remembers him ‘being there’ during the night and beside her the next morning.
After Hailey went home with her dad she tried to kill herself. Hailey has also self-harmed over many years, and this led to her being excluded from school. She struggles with relationships and trust.
She feels strongly that all allegations of abuse must be investigated and that children need education about what is inappropriate touching. She thinks it might have helped her if there had been a support worker at her school who she could have talked to.
Hailey feels angry and let down by her parents and the authorities who could have protected her. She says her father continues to defend him and she is very hurt by this.
She says ‘He has destroyed my life … he took all my trust ... I feel like I’m always going to be a victim’.
However, she finds comfort in having a dog, writing and painting, and she adds ‘I don’t want him to win anymore’.