Hilary felt completely powerless and unable to complain about being abused in the care system
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Hilary was neglected by her mother, and all her early childhood memories are of being in care.
She received no support, and was drawn to two men in positions of authority who sexually abused her.
Hilary was born in the 1950s. After her mother was jailed for leaving her children unattended, Hilary was fostered and sent to boarding school.
When she was about seven years old, she became friendly with the school caretaker, Martin. He made a cage for her pet and she liked spending time with him in his workshop, chatting and watching him work.
But Martin began to sexually abuse Hilary. She didn’t tell anyone because he told her it was a secret and she was ‘special’. At one point her foster mother noticed blood on her knickers and mistakenly assumed she was starting her period, even though she was very young.
Hilary describes how her behaviour started to deteriorate. By the time she was almost a teenager she had started smoking and drinking. She ran away and was sent to a children’s home.
As a young teenager, her life revolved around discos, youth clubs and shoplifting. She got engaged to her boyfriend when she was in her early teens, and the man in charge of the children’s home, Trevor, caught the two of them having sex.
Trevor used this as an opportunity to rape Hilary. He used to take the children on camping and seaside trips, where he raped Hilary.
Hilary knew it was wrong but felt she was ‘at the bottom of the ladder’ and couldn’t protest. She was also scared that if she told anyone she might be moved to a far worse children’s home.
The abuse continued for around two years until Trevor and his wife stopped running the home. Hilary left the home in her mid teens. She got married and by the time she was 20, she was divorced with three children, and she says ‘in a bad place’.
She had little support from social services but Trevor’s wife was comforting and helpful to her, so she stayed in touch with her and Trevor. In some ways, they were the only family she had. The abuse by Trevor was never acknowledged.
Looking back on her time in the children’s home, Hilary feels it was largely positive because of the support she received there and for years afterwards from Trevor’s wife. But, she adds, the negative aspect was the abuse she suffered from Trevor.
Hilary feels that social services let her down badly. She had little support or contact while she was growing up and it was assumed that she was safe and cared for in her placements.
She is concerned that not all foster carers provide safety and security for children, and she feels some people are ‘in it for the money’. She believes that properly run and supervised care homes are safer and more effective than fostering.
Because record keeping was so poor, she has no idea why certain decisions were made about her as a young child. She believes this has improved, but emphasises it is vital that records are made and stored properly, so that people can find out what happened to them, and why.
In her 40s, Hilary managed to turn her life around. She went to college and is now working on rebuilding her relationship with her extended family.