Hudson says the man who sexually abused him had wealth, status and power, and no one held him to account
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Hudson grew up in the 1960s and 70s, in a rural community where a minor aristocrat and landowner enjoyed considerable influence.
This man exploited his position to groom Hudson’s family and sexually abuse Hudson for nearly 10 years.
Hudson’s father was a clergyman, and when Hudson was seven years old, he applied for a more senior position in the parish. This appointment required the approval of the local aristocrat, Harold.
Harold was in his 50s, had been educated at a prestigious public school, and was very wealthy. He met Hudson’s father and the whole family, and approved the appointment.
After this, Harold befriended Hudson’s family and became increasingly close to his parents. Looking back, Hudson thinks his mother flirted with Harold, who took a special interest in Hudson.
When Harold visited, Hudson and his siblings had to be on their best behaviour, and Hudson says he enjoyed the fact that he seemed to be Harold’s favourite.
When Hudson was seven he had a childhood illness, and Harold visited him and gave him a toy. After he recovered, Harold invited him to stay at his home, which was a very grand house. That night, Harold came into Hudson’s room, supposedly to say goodnight. He put his hand under the bedclothes and touched Hudson’s penis.
‘I found this completely confusing. I knew Harold was important to both my parents. He was rich and lived in a stately home. They were important in the area and I think my parents liked being friends with him’ Hudson says. ‘And there he was touching my penis. I didn’t know what to make of it.’
Harold began inviting Hudson to stay with him regularly, and sexually abused him on these visits. Harold made the young boy sleep in his bed, and pushed his penis against him and attempted to masturbate him.
Hudson says he doesn’t recall all the details of the abuse; he thinks oral sex may have taken place too. He comments ‘I’m sure a part of me is still looking after myself by not remembering everything’.
He does recall that on one occasion, one of Harold’s staff walked into the bedroom and saw them in bed together.
Harold took Hudson on overnight outings and booked hotels, always one room with a double bed. Hudson comments ‘Quite what the receptionists thought, seeing this elderly man and young boy together, I have no idea’.
He remembers Harold telling him that what they were doing was illegal, and if anyone found out the police would become involved. ‘I certainly was scared and so I resolved not to tell anyone’ says Hudson.
After abusing him, Harold would give Hudson expensive presents.
Hudson knew he did not like the abuse, but says he did enjoy the attention and the special relationship he had with Harold. He says Harold was ‘quite nice’ to him when he was abusing him. ‘Looking back, it was classic grooming. He groomed my parents and then me. He became increasingly close to my parents and my mum used to flirt with him.’
He adds that he is now aware that his mother saw him as ‘a difficult and demanding’ child, and possibly was relieved to have some respite from him when he went away with Harold. As an adult he has been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum.
He recalls ‘I rationalised it by saying to myself, he must be teaching me about sex and my parents must know about this … it must be all right’.
When he was about eight or nine years old, Hudson began to suffer with persistent stomach pains. The family doctor prescribed a tranquiliser for him. He has also been told that as a child he regularly suffered from nightmares, and would often walk around in his sleep, wailing and crying.
Hudson now knows that at some point, his parents did begin to question whether Harold’s interest in their son was appropriate. They sent Hudson to either a psychologist or psychiatrist and asked him to talk to Hudson and give an opinion. Hudson relates ‘His opinion was he didn’t think anything was going on, but I probably wouldn’t say if it was’.
When Hudson was in his teens, Harold moved to the continent. Hudson would visit him there and Harold would sexually abuse him. He also paid for Hudson to have language tuition.
The abuse ended when Hudson was in his mid teens and got a girlfriend.
It was only after Hudson had a conversation with a friend about Harold, when he was in his 20s, that he understood he had been sexually abused during his childhood. ‘I hadn’t realised until that moment’ he says. ‘That was a shock.’
He wrote to Harold, asking him why he had behaved as he had. Harold’s reply was evasive and it was clear that he was being careful not to implicate himself. He asked Hudson to meet him to discuss things.
Some years later, Hudson contacted Harold and asked him to contribute to the cost of counselling. Harold instructed a solicitor to deal with the matter and made a payment to Hudson.
Hudson also told his parents. He says ‘They were very good and immediately believed me’. They discussed the possibility Harold might have abused other children, but they were clear they didn’t want him to tell the police, because they didn’t want Hudson to go through the trauma of an investigation.
He continues ‘They said my career was more important and it could be ruined by standing up in court. I went along with it and I do think it would have been hard to convince the police, but I feel maybe I failed other children’.
However, they spoke to another couple with sons who had spent time with Harold, and learned that their boys had also been abused by Harold.
The abuse Hudson suffered has had a lasting impact, both on his mental and physical health. He says ‘I am good at hiding my feelings and pretending I’m fine’. He says he finds it hard to trust people and feels it has affected his sex life.
He has been frustrated by the lack of counselling available on the NHS and says he feels lucky he could afford to pay for therapy. He adds that not all of this has been helpful – some of the therapists he has seen have seemed poorly trained and insensitive, but he has found a group therapy service very beneficial.
Hudson would like to see more awareness raising and education for parents and children about grooming and sexual abuse. He also thinks there should be better provision of therapy to help people recover from trauma.
He is married and says his wife is a special person who is very supportive. ‘If I wasn’t able to talk to her I’d feel much worse.’