Irene says she felt safer in children’s homes than with her own family
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Irene’s childhood memories are of extreme poverty, chaos, neglect and abuse. She has learned most of what she now knows about herself by accessing her care records.
She has had extensive therapy which has helped her understand more about her past and herself, but she says the effects of the abuse still haunt her and have ‘affected every part of my life’.
From the age of about 18 months to nine years, Irene was in and out of the care system because of the emotional, physical and sexual abuse she suffered at home. She describes how the abuse and deprivation she endured completely alienated her from her peers.
Irene’s mother handed her daughter, from a very young age, to various men for sexual purposes. This always took place outside their home and Irene now wonders if her mother did it to make money.
Irene remembers being terrified of her mother. She recalls being very sexualised from a young age and wanting to play sex games with other children because that was something she was ‘used to doing’. She also recalls that her mother was present when her daughter was being abused, and she believes she may have taken pleasure from it.
When her mother died, Irene says she felt ‘only happiness’.
She now wonders if her mother was abused as a child, because Irene was frequently sexually abused by her maternal grandfather. She is not sure how old she was when this started but she knows it happened at her grandparents’ home and she thinks her grandmother knew about the sexual abuse.
Irene adds that her grandmother also touched her inappropriately a few times, and was physically abusive to her. But in a sad indictment of how appalling her home life was, Irene says that at least her grandparents’ home was clean and tidy, and ‘in some ways it was good to be there’.
At a later stage, Irene did report the abuse her mother inflicted on her to the police. She says they were sympathetic but there was not enough evidence for them to take the matter any further. Irene adds that ‘just being believed’ was sufficient for her.
Although as a small child in the care system, Irene was clearly vulnerable and damaged she says that no one at school or in any of the children’s homes did anything to help.
Her traumatic childhood still affects every aspect of Irene’s life, but she particularly highlights that she finds it difficult to be nice to herself. She has difficulty in maintaining personal and physical relationships.
She would like there to be more support for people who have been abused. She thinks sex therapy should also be available, because so many victims and survivors have relationship difficulties.
Irene also believes that convicted abusers should receive tougher sentences.