The man who abused Isla covered up his crimes by claiming she was deluded and had ‘a crush’ on him
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Isla was 11 years old when she and her sister joined an activity club in their neighbourhood.
The woman who ran the group was married to a man called Alfie, who sexually abused Isla for five years. Alfie convinced both her family and his that Isla was infatuated with him.
Isla says ‘I can’t remember how I got close with him, but I know now he must have planned it as he would get me to his house on false pretences, such as wanting me to babysit’.
But, she explains, when she got to the house, the children were not there. Alfie began grooming her by kissing her, and telling her that she was special and that they would be together. This started when she was 12.
Shortly after her 13th birthday, Alfie raped Isla in his house. She says that when he took her virginity, it was at the top of the stairs and she has vivid recollections of the colour of the carpet and the decorations in his children’s bedrooms.
Alfie continued to rape Isla regularly. At first he was careful to use condoms, until he instructed her to go to a sexual health clinic for the contraceptive pill. She obeyed, and from then on he had unprotected sex with her.
Alfie was a tradesman who worked for a local council, and at weekends he did private jobs. He used to take Isla with him to houses and sexually abuse her. Again, she has strong flashbacks of the interior decorations in the places where she was raped. She also remembers that he often tried to force his penis into her mouth.
Throughout the five years that Alfie sexually abused Isla, he manipulated her into believing that they were having a love affair. She describes how he bought her gifts and nominated a song as ‘our song’.
Alfie and his family were acquainted with Isla’s family, and on one occasion when she was in her mid teens, she went on holiday with them. Isla thinks that Alfie’s wife was aware of signs that there was an inappropriate relationship between Alfie and Isla, but that he had manipulated his family into believing that Isla was infatuated with him, and that she believed Alfie reciprocated these feelings.
She describes how he once made a point of loudly saying to her, in earshot of his family, ‘I am flattered you have a crush on me’.
Isla explains that tension about the relationship led to numerous ‘fall-outs’ between her and Alfie’s family. His wife verbally abused her, and other members of his family threatened her. At one point, Alfie and his wife even spoke to Isla’s mother and told her that Isla had a crush on him and she should leave him alone.
Isla tried to tell her mother what had really happened, but her mother believed Alfie and his family. She says ‘That ended my relationship with her’.
Alfie stopped abusing her when she turned 18, but the conflict between her and his family continued and because of this, the police became involved. Isla tried to report the sexual abuse to the police but they would not listen to or believe her. By this time, Isla says Alfie was having affairs with other females.
Isla has PTSD, depression and anxiety, and has physical conditions associated with stress. She finds it difficult to be in close proximity with men. However, she is in a long-term relationship with a supportive partner. She accesses services to manage her mental health problems.
Isla feels very let down that no one in authority believed her account, and she is angry about the way the police treated her. She feels strongly that when investigating allegations of child sexual abuse, the police should listen to victims and survivors, and not just rely on the word of family members of the perpetrators.