Jan

Jan describes her family background as part Gypsy, and she believes she was targeted by an abuser for this reason. 

‘Gypsy girls won’t say anything about abuse because they won’t be able to get married; no Gypsy boy will want them if they have been touched’ she says.

The man who sexually abused Jan was a friend of her stepfather, called Rowan.

The abuse began when Jan was nine years old. It ended when she was in her early teens and Rowan attempted to rape her. Someone knocked on the door and she escaped. 

Jan was on the at-risk register because her stepfather was physically and emotionally abusive towards her mother, who had learning difficulties. However, she says that her social worker rarely visited and did not speak to her alone.

At school, she says, ‘I was quiet, I didn’t have the right uniform, I was underweight’. 

When Jan was in her early teens, she took an overdose of drugs. No one asked why she had done it.

Jan reported the abuse by Rowan to the police when she was in her mid teens, after a friend encouraged her. She was interviewed for six hours. Rowan was arrested, and admitted some of the abuse, but Jan says ‘He presented it as a Romeo and Juliet romance and got a slap on the wrist for that. I was angry at that’. 

Her stepbrother, Damo, who is four years older than her, physically abused her for many years. After one assault that was so bad she ended up in hospital, the police suggested she should move further away from him. This added to her anger at the way she was treated as a victim.

Later in life, she struggled more with her anger and was arrested by the police for verbal abuse. She was put on probation for a year and sent to attend anger management training.

Jan finds sex and relationships difficult. She says ‘Every time they say I love you, I jump’. 

She attempted suicide again as an adult.

Jan believes that if social services had been more vigilant, she might not have been sexually abused for four years. She has tried to obtain records from them, but has not succeeded so far. 

She says the police should be careful to use age-appropriate language when talking to children about abuse, should not be in uniform, and should allow for the fact the child may be frightened to speak.

Jan would like teachers to take notice when children’s behaviour changes, and for police, social care and schools to communicate with each other about children they are concerned about. ‘If you suspect something, act on it’ she says. 

She has had therapy but did not find it helpful. She says she would have preferred to confront Rowan to show him she is no longer frightened of him, and ‘to take back the control and the dignity that he took from me’.

Jan would like to support victims of child sexual abuse when they are being interviewed by the police.