Jonnie says ‘Because we were in care, we were “naughty kids” … we were not believed’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Jonnie endured sexual, physical and emotional abuse over a number of years he spent in the care system.
He says neither he nor any of the children would have thought there was any point trying to report what was happening.
Jonnie grew up in the 1960s and 70s. He was placed with foster carers when he was a baby. From what he has seen of his care record, he thinks this happened because his mother had problems with alcohol and drugs.
He doesn’t know why, but when he was nine years old he was taken from his foster family and sent to an assessment centre. He says ‘The abuse started from day one’. He describes being shown round by another boy, who pinned him up against a wall and said ‘What I say goes’.
Jonnie continues ‘You can imagine, for a child who had never lived away from the people he classed as his parents, being threatened by strangers was terrifying’.
He was then taken to the bathroom by a member of staff, told to strip and bathe while the man watched. The man then intervened and started washing Jonnie. Jonnie says ‘I didn’t like it, I knew it was wrong ... he was a stranger, but I had been threatened and I daren’t say anything’.
In the assessment centre Jonnie was subjected to regular physical, emotional and sexual abuse by staff and other boys. ‘I knew it shouldn’t happen but I couldn’t tell anyone because I’d get beaten’ he says.
After a few months Jonnie was moved to a children’s home where there was a similar regime of strict control and abuse. He says he started misbehaving because of the abuse, and was sent to a residential school, returning to the children’s home some weekends.
Jonnie describes the residential school as ‘hell’. Many of the staff seemed to delight in the physical abuse. He adds that it was common knowledge that sexual abuse was rife.
On his first night a member of staff gave him a sleeping tablet and he awoke the next morning in pain and covered in vaseline. His roommate told him he had been taken out of the room by the staff member, and returned an hour later.
He doesn’t think any of the boys would have thought of reporting what was happening. ‘Because we were in care, we were naughty kids. Because we were naughty kids, we were not believed. You were the worst of the worst.’
Sometimes he and other boys were taken from the school to anonymous houses where he was given alcohol and cannabis, and told to ‘perform for and with adults’.
In the following years, Jonnie was moved around a number of different children’s homes where he experienced and witnessed further abuse. He says that he ‘continued to run amok’ throughout this time, and in one institution he was labelled ‘criminally insane’.
When he was 18, Jonnie was discharged from the care system. By this time he was drinking heavily and taking drugs. He was allocated a place to live but he had no idea how to access benefits or any support, or manage his money. He lost his tenancy and was homeless for a number of years.
He remarks ‘The care system was good grounding for being homeless, it allowed me to accept what I couldn’t change, it taught me to adapt and not to be scared face-to-face, even if I was scared inside’.
Jonnie recalls two events that helped him change his life; a close friend had a baby and he supported her, which gave him the confidence that he could do more. He then moved to a different area and began working, which enabled him to get housing and access support for drug use.
He is now actively involved in community work. He says ‘I still have my bad days’ when he is affected by panic attacks, and has ‘slipped back a couple of occasions and woken up in a doorway despite having somewhere to live’.
But he adds, ‘I have a job, I pay bills … like a normal person’ and he has friends he can count on.
Jonnie thinks that there needs to be more support for children and young people as soon as they disclose sexual abuse. He also feels strongly that there should be more support for care leavers, with a non-judgemental and gradual approach to help them manage independent living.
After sharing his experience, Jonnie concludes ‘If this helps any children going through the system … that’s what I’d like’.