The church denied knowledge of the senior chorister who abused Jude
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Jude grew up in Britain after the second world war and recalls how rationing was very much part of life, with treats ‘few and far between’.
When he was about 12 years old Jude joined the local church choir. But his commitment was exploited by an older chorister who sexually abused him.
Living in austere times, even after rationing ended, Jude and his friends were always looking for ways to get extra treats. As a chorister he enjoyed some privileges, such as trips to the seaside, at no cost to his parents.
He was also paid for his attendance at choir practice and church services. Although the choirmaster was quite strict during practice, afterwards Jude and his young friends had free rein in the church hall and grounds.
Jude describes his mother as a very principled woman who instilled the rule in her children that they should always honour any undertaking they made. She was also a stickler for timekeeping so he would always set off early for church – often being the first to arrive. Jude thinks the abuser must have noticed this.
An adult senior male member of the choir was very friendly towards Jude, complimenting him on his singing. Jude says that the ‘nice things’ the man said gave him confidence.
But after a while this man began to abuse Jude before church services. He would lock the door to the vestry and tell Jude to sit on his lap. Jude describes how the older chorister would talk softly to Jude and slowly move his hand up his leg, then put his hand into Jude’s trousers and masturbate him.
This happened frequently over many months. Jude says he felt unable to tell anyone because the abuser told him that he would ‘get into serious trouble’ if he did, and be put into a home.
Later, the chorister invited Jude to his home for free music lessons. When Jude asked his mother for permission to go, he noticed that his older brother whispered something to her. She forbade him from visiting the man’s house, but Jude went despite her instructions. Jude is convinced his brother knew something about the abuser.
Jude was never assaulted during the music lessons. He says the abuser’s mother came into the room at regular intervals, and he thinks it was ‘almost as if she felt the need to check up on what was happening’. Jude noticed that this seemed to frustrate his abuser.
The abuse suddenly stopped after an occasion when Jude turned up at the house and saw that another young chorister had been having a music lesson. He believes that the boy had been groomed to take his place. At the time, Jude wondered what he had done wrong, as his abuser had made him feel very special.
Jude says that at the time, and even until recently, there was no one to tell about the abuse, and ‘if you did you would not be believed … children were seen and not heard’.
In later life Jude wrote to the church to inform them of the abuse. They replied that they had no record of his abuser being part of the choir. Jude says ‘That was devastating’.
He adds he does not want money from the church but he wants them to admit and take account of what happened. They only offered him counselling via email, and he thinks the church is only concerned about their ‘assets’, not about the children who have been abused.
Jude describes how the abuse has affected him at different stages of his life. He says he became disruptive at school and then a workaholic in later life, but was successful in business.
He suffers from depression, suicidal thoughts, panic and anxiety, and has had a nervous breakdown. His marriage has also suffered. He has seen psychiatrists, psychologists and other therapists and has taken part in self-help groups.
He feels he fails to ‘get a grip on what happened to him’, but adds that his experience has enabled him to support a friend and a family member who were also abused and understand their pain.
Jude does not think his experience of abuse is ‘as bad as some others’ he has read about, but he said he did not want to ‘take it to his grave’. A recent advertisement promoting the Truth Project encouraged him to attend. He says that although he has previously had a range of therapy, this is the first time he has spoken in detail about the abuse he experienced.
He says that people need to ‘speak out about their concerns rather than whisper about them’ and he believes that everyone has a responsibility to speak out to protect children and to take action.
Jude is convinced more people knew about the abuse in his church, but they covered it up. He feels the church should have ensured that children were protected from this and he wants them to be more transparent.
He would like there to be greater awareness of organisations such as Men’s Sheds, where men can talk about their feelings and experiences. He has also found meditation helpful.