Police did not pursue Julia’s case as she could not remember what underwear the perpetrator wore
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Julia’s stepfather was a callous child sexual abuser who was never brought to justice.
When Julia told him she wanted to end her life, he suggested he should rape her first.
Julia is not sure exactly how old she was when her stepfather began sexually abusing her. She has flashbacks of him playing ‘rough and tumble’ with her and putting his hand between her legs, but her first full recollection of being abused is from when she was about eight years old.
She was unwell and had not gone to school. Her stepfather was also ill and her mother suggested that she get into bed with him. Julia remembers her stepfather running his fingers all over her body and he made her do the same to him.
After this, her stepfather started coming into her bedroom during the night. She would wake up to find him giving her oral sex. She describes how she didn’t know what to do and would pretend to be asleep.
Julia’s stepfather came across as a ‘charming’ man, but in reality he had an explosive personality and could become very angry for the slightest reason. She remembers him losing his temper and kicking holes in the doors.
When Julia was in her early teens, her older sibling left home and reported to the police that her stepfather had sexually abused her. The police came to Julia’s house, and asked her if anything had happened to her.
When they asked her this question, her stepfather was sitting on the sofa next to her. Julia felt too scared to speak out and told the police that nothing had happened. Still distressed by the memory of this day, Julia recounts that the family accused her sibling of making up their allegation, and ostracised them.
‘I always think of why I didn’t speak up at that time’ she says. ‘I was scared of him.’
Julia’s stepfather continued sexually abusing her. She became very depressed. One day she came home from school and told him she wanted to end her life.
He told her to come upstairs and have sex with him, saying that she wouldn’t want to die without having taken her ‘last chance to do it’. She says ‘At that point, I felt completely numb … I can’t explain how that made me feel … how it makes me feel now’.
Some time later, more allegations of sexual abuse were made against Julia’s stepfather. Julia’s mother asked her if he had ever abused her, and this time Julia confirmed that he had. She was by then in her mid-teens.
The abuse was reported to the police for a second time. When the police interviewed Julia they asked her what sort of underwear her stepfather had worn. Julia didn’t really know, but because of a childhood memory of some underpants drying on a radiator, she suggested a type.
The police said this was the ‘wrong answer’ and that she would not be a strong witness. It was also suggested that Julia’s mother was angry with her husband, because they were getting divorced. The investigation did not go any further.
The abuse has had a significant impact on Julia. She has flashbacks and has misused alcohol. She says it has affected her trust in people, especially where her children are concerned. She worries about them and feels she is overprotective. She says that being sexually abused ‘ruins your innocence’.
Julia feels that she and her sibling were badly let down by the police. She says that they need to be more sensitive to circumstances and take children out of the environment where they are possibly being abused. They should be interviewed somewhere they are more likely to feel safe.
She thinks it would have helped her if there had been a person and a place at school where she felt safe talking about what was happening to her. She says ‘I know things are getting better and there is more openness’ but she thinks more could be done to educate children about personal boundaries and inappropriate behaviour.
Julia used to struggle with relationships, but says her relationship with her partner really helps her and makes her feel safe.