Justin thinks that religion is a factor in sexual abuse
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Justin grew up in a large Christian family. His parents had to work long hours to support the family, and he recalls that his father did not seem to be around very much when he was younger.
He and his brothers attended a Catholic school. When Justin was eight years old, a sports teacher began to abuse him. He is now aware that this teacher also abused his two brothers but did not know this at the time.
Justin believes the abuser ‘worked his way into families’ by befriending the parents in order to abuse the children, and that many other boys were abused by him.
The sports teacher threatened that if Justin told his parents about the abuse, they would not believe him and would not love him anymore. But when he was about 13 years old, Justin said that he managed to stop the abuse.
About a year later, his father died and Justin says that at last he felt able to tell his mother what the teacher had done. He recalls that he did not have the language to fully describe the abuse and he fetched a dictionary and found the word ‘homosexual' to help him explain it. He adds that he now understands that the teacher was a paedophile.
At first Justin’s mother stopped the sports teacher from visiting the home – he had been a regular visitor beforehand. However, after a couple of weeks she rejected Justin’s story and the teacher started visiting the family again.
Justin describes how difficult this was for him and how he felt ‘more isolated than ever’. He says his behaviour deteriorated and he was regarded as ‘the black sheep of the family’. He told a GP about the abuse but neither the doctor nor his mother took any action.
As soon as he could, Justin joined the Navy and ‘ran away to sea’. He felt he belonged in the service and developed a career. He also met his wife, who he says has been a ‘stalwart’ supporting him throughout his adult life.
However, he describes the effects of abuse as ‘cascading’ through his life, and says it affects his family when he feels angry and frustrated. He has very low self-esteem, and has found it difficult to be a parent.
He has been to counselling during three periods of his life but says that while it was good that someone would listen, it did not really resolve issues for him. He still feels anxiety every day.
Justin says the abuse has split the family. He has little contact with his other siblings and describes one brother as being ‘in denial’. He has never been able to resolve the issues with his mother. At one point he had to take his youngest sister away from home when she called him for help. He regards his mother as a hypocrite although ‘she was trying to be a good Christian’. He says that until she died, she continued to deny that she, or the perpetrator, had done anything wrong.
He feels concern at the extent of child abuse that is now being revealed and that it seems ‘nothing is being done about it’. Justin thinks that religion is a factor in sexual abuse. He believes that religion amounts to indoctrination of children and, where child abuse is accepted, it affects the values of everyone. He would like to get rid of religious and other organisations that permit or cover up child abuse.
Justin eventually made formal complaints to the police about the abuse, as did some of his siblings. His abuser was convicted of several offences. He was sentenced to four years in prison and served two. The abuser has since died, and Justin believes he committed many more offences that never came to court.