When Kayden complained he had been sexually abused, school staff said it was just ‘messing about’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
When Kayden was in primary school, he was diagnosed with both a learning and a physical disability.
A primary school teacher had pushed for extra help to support Kayden’s educational needs, and the local authority found a boarding school that seemed suitable.
He was sent to a boarding school far from home, where he was sexually and physically abused by another pupil.
Kayden says he felt scared about being so far away from his parents and learning to live with other people.
It turned out that the school also took pupils with behavioural difficulties. To Kayden, it seemed that some of them wanted to learn, but ‘others just wanted to make trouble’ and the staff could not cope.
Kayden liked the teachers and the head, he had friends and felt that school was fine most of the time. However, he doesn’t think there were enough staff to properly keep an eye on the children, especially at night.
He had been at the school for about three or four years when another boy, Adam, arrived. The two boys shared a room, and Kayden says the new arrival made a point of ‘winding me up’. This escalated to violence; Adam would kick Kayden so hard that he still has scars, and flick his genitals.
In the classroom, Adam used to torment Kayden, and this seemed to encourage other pupils to join in the bullying. On one occasion, he was beaten up so badly he had to go to hospital, but his parents were simply told that he had been in a fight. He also recalls another incident where another pupil asked him to perform sex acts, but he refused.
The physical abuse from Adam became more and more regular and on one occasion he pulled down Kayden’s trousers and pants, and sexually assaulted him. Kayden remembers how shocked and uncomfortable this made him feel; he shoved Adam away and ran away.
From what he can recall, he bumped into a couple of other lads and told them what happened. Their response was that Kayden could not go on sharing a room with Adam. Another boy offered to let Kayden share with him, but when he tried to explain to the staff why he had moved, they made him feel he was making a fuss about nothing.
His parents were not contacted about the incident and a few days later, he was made to move back into the room with Adam. He protested about this but to no avail.
After being ordered to move back in with Adam, every single night he went to bed ‘scared about what was going to happen’. His schoolwork suffered, and due to lack of sleep, he was constantly tired and unable to concentrate.
The abuse stopped the following year, when Kayden moved to a different house. Meanwhile, Adam’s behaviour was deteriorating and after another serious incident, he was moved from the school.
Kayden does not blame the staff for what happened at the school but he does blame the system. His education suffered and he thinks his life has gone down a path different to the one it would have taken if he had not been abused and bullied.
The impact on his adult life has been huge. He had depression, his relationships have suffered and he sometimes can be a bully. He knows that he likes to get his own way and struggles to manage negative responses. He thinks he can be overly emotional sometimes, but lacks emotion at other times.
Kayden thinks it is important that in residential institutions, children are housed in a way that is appropriate for their emotional maturity. He suggests that victims and survivors of sexual abuse could help train staff who work in these settings.
He is now in a settled position and starting to recover from his depression. He has had some dark times but is now ‘coming out the other end’.