The adults who knew that Keren was being sexually abused by a teacher blamed her, not him
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Keren grew up feeling overshadowed by her brothers, and was sometimes bullied by them at home and at school.
When a male teacher at her school showed an interest in her, she was pleased and grateful for what she saw as positive attention.
Keren was bright and excelled at sport. Soon after she started secondary school, a male teacher, Mr Wood, began singling her out for attention. He ran sports and activity clubs and he involved her as a helper.
She was pleased and flattered – he made her feel he was genuinely interested in her. ‘He was giving me the attention I had never had’ she says.
Mr Wood often gave Keren a lift home in his car after school clubs, and he got to know her family.
Before long, he began to sexually abuse Keren. It started with him hugging her tightly, and he would say things like ‘Look what you’re doing to me’. The abuse escalated; she says it involved ‘everything but intercourse’ until she was 15 when he started raping her.
Keren says she thought of Mr Wood as her boyfriend, and he encouraged this, telling her that once she left school, he would leave his wife and set up home with her. He emphasised that Keren must not say anything to anyone, as he didn’t want his wife to find out.
She says the abuse, that she thought of as a ‘relationship’ at the time, was ‘an open secret’ around the school. Several teachers knew about it and other pupils referred to it. Once, on a residential school trip, a male teacher followed her back to her room, saying he ‘wanted to find out what all the fuss was about’. Keren pushed him away and he left. Three other male teachers would also openly flirt with her.
Keren says the behaviour of these teachers made her believe that what Mr Wood was doing was quite normal and acceptable. She says ‘Nowhere can I ever remember anyone saying that what he was doing was wrong and it shouldn’t be happening’.
The abuse ended when Keren was 17; Mr Wood lost interest in her and moved on to a younger girl. This hurt Keren terribly. She was heartbroken, was unable to concentrate on her studies and left school without taking her A levels. Around this time, Mr Wood’s wife confronted Keren and accused her of having an affair with her husband.
A female teacher, who Keren says knew what had happened with Mr Wood, told Keren how ‘silly’ she was, and that she could have been the ‘star of the school’.
Keren is certain that her parents also knew, because one evening when she was 15 she was late home. Her father rang Mr Wood’s home and she now knows her mother wanted to involve the school, but her father disagreed because Mr Wood might lose his job.
The abuse was also witnessed by the police one evening when Mr Wood had parked with Keren in his car. A patrol car pulled up and an officer got out to investigate. Mr Wood told him that he and Keren were ‘a couple’ and she remembers the officer smirking when he saw her.
Keren was sexually abused by another male adult when she was 15. She got a summer job at a campsite and the manager groomed and abused her. She remembers some of the other staff showing anger and disapproval towards the manager when he was showing an interest in her, but apparently no one acted on their concerns.
As well as the damage caused to her education, Keren has suffered with anxiety and depression, and has attempted suicide. She finds it difficult to trust people and make friends, and she has had issues with authority figures, such as managers at work. She became promiscuous for a time. She says ‘I thought that’s what men wanted’. Several decades later, she still feels a sense of guilt and shame.
It was only when she engaged in counselling that she began to understand she had been manipulated, groomed and sexually abused.
Keren is very aware of the fact that the view of everyone who knew about the abuse by Mr Wood was that it was her fault for ‘tempting him’, and that he would be the one to suffer most from any repercussions.
She feels strongly that young girls should not be seen in this way and that society should put the responsibility on adults to treat children appropriately. She emphasises that people should speak out if they suspect abuse. ‘It just normalises it when people choose to ignore it’ she says.
She would like to see more resources for schools to look after the emotional wellbeing of children, but she adds ‘teachers can’t be expected to do everything’ and that there needs to be more joined-up thinking between social services and education.
Keren plans to enrol on a counselling course and hopes to use her experience to help others.