Landon says ‘every little bit of information shared … it all helps’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Landon’s experience relates to an institution that has been in the public eye because of widespread child sexual abuse that occurred there.
He says that when he was a child, he learnt to ‘shut it away in a box’. Now he feels that speaking out ‘is a form of recompense’.
Landon attended a boarding school run by Roman Catholic monks. He was sexually abused by a housemaster, Timothy, when he was 13 years old. He describes how Timothy singled him out and took him for trips in his car. He chooses not to go into details about the abuse, but he says it was not penetrative.
On one occasion when Landon asked for permission to go out with the housemaster, it was refused. Landon remembers feeling relieved. The housemaster was ‘removed from general circulation’ and after an internal investigation, a police inquiry was initiated.
The housemaster was convicted some years later, when Landon was an adult. Landon gave a statement to the police that formed one of the charges against him. After serving a short sentence, Timothy returned to live in the monastery.
Landon describes many conflicting feelings about his experiences. He says he feels guilty for not having spoken out about the abuse at the time, and that others may have suffered because he didn’t report it. However, he acknowledges that other victims also stayed silent.
Landon coped with the abused by pretending it wasn’t happening to him. He emphasises that ‘there was so much good stuff at the school too’, and his parents worked hard to pay the fees, although he thinks they may have been aware he was unhappy.
He also reflects on how different attitudes were at that time. The behaviour of Jimmy Savile and other entertainers was regarded simply as ‘creepy’, or they were ‘dirty old men’.
Landon observes that ‘being taught sex education by a monk was a bit limited’, and he adds wryly that so many of the monks were a bit ‘off kilter … it would be difficult to spot the odd ones’.
He never told his parents that he had been sexually abused at school – he says he did not see that ‘any good would come out of it’. After Timothy was convicted, Landon’s father showed him press clippings about the case, and commented that the media had ‘hyped it up’ and that it was ‘a generational thing’.
Landon says he wonders what life would have been like for him if the abuse had not happened. He explains that he has a highly developed sense of suspicion, tends to fear the worst and has panic attacks. He also says that he ‘can fly into a rage at the prospect of something threatening’. He has had therapy and says it has helped him to rationalise things.
He is concerned that at the time Timothy was tried, ‘historical’ abuse carried a lower sentence. He says that current sentencing guidelines should be applied retrospectively or ‘we just reproduce the historical indifference’.
He also found it difficult that he was encouraged to apply for criminal compensation, but was then told he did not qualify because of the time lapse since the abuse occurred. He would like officials to be more careful about the guidance they give victims and survivors.
Landon says he feels that coming forward to the Truth Project has been a step towards doing something positive. He says ‘To sit at home and do nothing is to collaborate’.
Landon acknowledges that talking about what happened ‘is a bit of a workout with your emotions’, but he is motivated to do so because he wants to make a difference and make a better world for his own children.