Liliana says ‘If you are caught in that web of abuse it is so difficult to get out – you need help’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
As a young teenager, Liliana had to cope with a fractured and insecure family life.
Her school arranged for her to live with a clergyman as part of a mentoring scheme, but this man sexually abused her.
Immediately after her parents divorced, Liliana lived with her father, who convinced her that her mother did not love her as much as her other children. However, one day, he dropped her off at her mother’s house, with no explanation.
Liliana remembers trying to help her mother, who was struggling to support a large family. But her mother seemed to take her anger out on Liliana and their relationship became very difficult. She began staying away from home, and teachers at her school noticed this.
The headteacher suggested to Liliana and her mother that she should join a residential programme he had devised for bright children who could go on to university. This would involve her staying in the area and still attending school. He arranged for Liliana to be placed in the care of Reverend David and his wife.
About six months after Liliana moved in with the couple, Reverend David raped her when his wife was away. She was in her mid teens. She recalls other occasions when he sexually abused her, but she thinks she has blocked the details out of her mind.
Liliana remembers that she became depressed and she did not do nearly as well in her exams as expected. While she was studying for her A levels, she decided to tell the headmaster about the abuse by the reverend.
But, she says, she was too shy and embarrassed to describe what had happened, and she ended up just blurting out that she was leaving. The head reacted angrily, shouting at her that she was ‘ruining the scheme’.
She left the rural area she had grown up in and went to live in a large city. She lived with people who were dealing drugs, was drawn into their world and ended up with a criminal conviction.
Liliana describes how difficult her life became. She struggled with unemployment and finding places to live. She remembers how her 18th and 21st birthdays passed with no celebration.
She says ‘I just needed my A levels to go to university and my life would have been normal. Reverend David took that away from me. I felt hemmed in, left on my own ... it was an absolute nightmare for years’.
As an adult she managed to return to studying, while she was working and volunteering for a homeless charity. She studied for a degree, which included a course in child sexual abuse. She suffered a breakdown at this point. She says ‘The train stopped and all my carriages crashed into one another’.
The course director supported her recovery and return, she graduated and went on to forge a successful career. She also has a happy family life, but she says she still feels angry about what happened to her and the consequences it has had on her life.
She reported Reverend David to the area diocese and she was told she should forget about the abuse, and not ‘ruin someone’s life and career’. She believes they already knew about his behaviour, and may have had other complaints.
She later made a report to the police, and discovered that by this time the abuser had died. Although this meant the case was not investigated, she says talking to the police was ‘an incredibly positive experience, that has really turned my life around’.
Liliana would like to see society being more tolerant and less judgemental and consider why people may be homeless or misusing drugs. She believes that people who have been abused are pushed down a path they may not otherwise have taken, and they should receive help and compassion, not judgement.
She would like to see more resources so that people can access support from caring, trustworthy people. She adds that victims and survivors ‘need to feel part of society and valued, not ostracised’.