For years after he was sexually abused, Llewellyn thought there was something wrong with him
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Llewellyn describes how he doesn’t trust because so many people have not believed his account of the sexual abuse he suffered as a child. He says: ‘The experience has toughened me up’.
He adds: ‘It has messed up my life a little bit … I kept it secret for good reason’.
Llewellyn describes his childhood as deprived. After his parents split up he went with his mother and sister to live with his grandparents. At the same time he moved to a new primary school.
One day at school, when he was about six years old, he met the caretaker on his way to the toilet. The caretaker invited Llewellyn to use the urinal in his room.
While Llewellyn used the urinal the caretaker ‘touched’ him. This abuse happened regularly over several years, with the caretaker claiming he was doing it because Llewellyn ‘had something wrong’ with him.
This was not true, but Llewellyn believed the caretaker and says he avoided going to the gym because he didn’t want to shower or let others see him naked.
When he was in his mid teens, Llewellyn left school and home to live with a friend. He says he was often ‘naughty’ and had problems with girlfriends, and he believes this behaviour was linked to the abuse he suffered.
A few years later, he heard media coverage of sexual abuse and this triggered memories of his own abuse. He kept this to himself, because he wanted to protect his mum.
He describes how for many years, he had believed something was wrong with him and it was only when he was in his 20s that he realised that what had happened to him was wrong. He found and confronted the caretaker, saying he ‘wanted to frighten him’. On the last occasion he went to the caretaker’s house, he was told the abuser had died.
Llewellyn has since contacted the school, the governors and the local education department.The school referred him to the Church of England who said they would look into it. He later received a letter saying they were unable to give him any information.
He also contacted the police but has not been told of any outcome. He adds that he now knows that the caretaker was also a Scout leader and he believes other children may have been abused.
Llewellyn says he came to the Truth Project to try and help prevent abuse happening to other children. He says that accurate vetting of staff working with children and safeguarding policies are very important. He wants all children to have access to an anonymous or safe place where they can disclose any abuse.