Lucille says ‘this emotional, angry burden caused by the abuse has raised its head many times’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
The Catholic Church protected a priest after being told the priest had sexually abused Lucille.
She says ‘It’s only now that I can find the words to express how my life has been affected by the abuse’.
Lucille grew up in the 1950s and 60s. Her parents were strict Roman Catholics. She writes ‘We were brought up to be seen and not heard, to respect our elders and to do as we were told’.
When the family moved house, Lucille was sent to a Catholic school rather than the more local primary school.
Lucille recalls ‘The atmosphere in the school was oppressive’. It was run by nuns, with a priest, Father Doyle, who visited to give the children religious instruction.
Lucille had been at the school a few weeks when it was the turn of her class for a lesson with Father Doyle. He sent the class teacher off for a cup of tea, leaving him alone in charge of the children. Lucille relates that when the priest was alone with the class ‘a deathly silence descended in the room and I noticed all the children around me were looking down at their desks’.
Lucille continues ‘He noticed that I was a new child and called me up to the front’.
Father Doyle suddenly held her tightly around the waist in a ‘vice like grip’ and sexually assaulted her, touching her roughly inside her underwear. She describes him holding her even more tightly as she struggled to get away. She relates ‘I felt mortified this was happening in front of the whole class’.
The priest let her go and feeling shocked, stunned and sick, Lucille went back to her desk. She noticed that the other children seemed to relax. She says ‘None of the children spoke about what happened and I sensed many of them had had the same experience’.
Later at home, Lucille told her mother what had happened. She writes ‘She did not believe me. How dare I say something so terrible about a man of the cloth she said’.
Attending confession at the local church, Lucille suffered further sexual abuse from Father Doyle. After pulling back the curtain to check who was in the box, the abuser asked her a range of sexualised questions that became more intrusive and unpleasant every time she went.
When Lucille was approaching her confirmation rite, Father Doyle visited her at home. He asked her mother to go and make him a cup of tea, and then sexually abused Lucille in the same way he did in the school.
Her mother came back, saw what was happening and angrily pushed the priest out of the house. Lucille remembers that afterwards her mother did not give her any comfort and even tried to explain away the priest’s behaviour.
However, as an adult Lucille learnt that her mother reported the abuse by Father Doyle to the Church. No action was taken.
More recently Lucille has discovered that the priest was caught sexually abusing more children about 10 years later, and was confined in an institution.
Lucille describes many significant impacts on her life over several decades as a result of the abuse she was subjected to. At school she suffered stomach disorders and had difficulty eating.
As a teenager, Lucille describes feeling ‘weighed down’ with feelings of guilt and shame about her developing body.
She explains the effect of her confusion and sense of betrayal, being abused by someone who should have been trustworthy and then disbelieved by her mother: ‘My trust system was completely shattered’ she says. She adds that this has also affected all her relationships and caused her to make ‘many poor choices’ in her life.
Lucille feels strongly that the Roman Catholic Church should be held accountable for the priests who sexually abuse children. She says the Church must have rigorous procedures for safeguarding, whistle-blowing, and reporting and investigating allegations of abuse.
She would also like there to be wider awareness that ‘the lives of sexually abused children are damaged not for weeks or months, but for decades’.
In her middle age, Lucille says she found the strength to channel her anger into changing her life for the better and she is proud of many things she has achieved. She says she has supportive friends and an excellent GP who have helped her to move forward.