Lukey has paid a high price for the sexual abuse he suffered
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
When Lukey was five years old, his father left home. He feels that not having a stable father figure is one of the reasons he was vulnerable to sexual abuse.
Lukey describes his father as a philanderer with ‘a woman in every port’.
After his father left, Lukey says he didn’t have much in the way of material things, but he always felt his mother did her best for him and he enjoyed primary school. However, when he moved up to secondary school, things changed for him.
He describes himself as ‘a weedy child’ who wasn't interested in sport and he was regularly picked on by the other boys.
An uncle on his father’s side of the family visited Lukey’s mother regularly. He asked her to marry him and she refused, but they remained friends and the uncle often stayed overnight, sharing Lukey’s bed. When Lukey was about 11 or 12 the uncle started to sexually abuse him.
Around the same time, Lukey joined the Scouts. During an activity, the Scout leader touched Lukey on his groin area. He told his mother, who reported it, and the Scout leader was sacked. No one talked to Lukey about what had happened and he says he felt guilty that the man lost his position.
Soon after this incident, he developed an interest in trainspotting and would go to stations and travel on trains in pursuit of his interest. He was befriended by a couple of men who worked on the railways. They took an interest in him and his hobby, taught him about types of engines and gave him access to areas that were out of bounds to the public.
The men began taking Lukey on days out, and he says this made him feel ‘excited, and special’. But they started to ‘play games’ with him, and make him undress. This abuse escalated to sexual touching and masturbation. Another member of the transport staff also befriended Lukey and sexually abused him.
The abuse took place over two years, until Lukey was in his early teens. He says he didn’t fully understand what was happening, or how to react, but he felt controlled and manipulated by the abusers, who told him not to tell anyone. ‘I was not a strong child … I didn’t want to annoy people’ he says.
Lukey cannot remember why the sexual abuse stopped. After that his behaviour deteriorated. ‘I started truanting school … bullying ... pinching money … shouting out for help’ he says.
When he was in his mid teens his mother asked him to leave. He says by then he was abusing solvents. He ended up in a hostel where he took an overdose.
Lukey has suffered many impacts from the sexual abuse he was subjected to as a child. He blames himself for not telling anyone what was happening to him and he feels ashamed. ‘I still feel dirty about it’ he says.
The abuse caused him confusion about his sexuality. He has been married, and has children. However, he feels he is interested in men sexually but that this is a response to the abuse rather than a choice.
Lukey has been in prison. Because of this, his marriage broke down and he rarely sees his children.
He feels that if more support and education on sexual abuse and its effects had been available to him in his childhood, this could have helped him. He is seeking help and support to help him deal with his issues and behaviours.