Lyra’s school regarded the abusive situation she was in as a typical ‘boy/girl relationship’
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Lyra was subjected to physical and emotional abuse, and rape, while she was a teenager at school. The school failed to act to protect Lyra from the sexual abuse.
The abuser was an older pupil and she feels that this was the reason the school did not take the situation seriously.
The abuse happened frequently and began when Lyra was about 12. When she was in her mid-teens, she reported this. For a long time, she had been having panic attacks and struggling with her education.
She would quite often be very upset and crying at school because of things the older boy had said and done. Lyra often tried to avoid lessons by going to the medical room. Her parents were not told about this.
‘I think because I wasn’t seen as a naughty child, it was … why would there be anything wrong with me?’ she says.
The pastoral care manager once said to her ‘I know what it’s like to be in a controlling relationship’, but still nothing was done and he did not talk to Lyra’s parents, or anyone else.
The perpetrator physically abused Lyra and raped her, and when she tried to end the relationship he would make serious threats against her. He had a serious health condition and would also threaten to harm himself.
Lyra feels his condition meant that he was seen as the person who needed help and support. He was not doing well at school, and one teacher said words to the effect ‘Why can’t you just stay with him until the exams are over?’
She had previously had a lot of friends, but lost many friendships because of the controlling nature of the relationship. She felt completely isolated and unsupported.
Lyra did manage to end the relationship. After this, she told her parents the full extent of the abuse and they spoke to the school again, who said they were used to ‘handling boy/girl break-ups’.
However, her mother insisted on speaking to the head of safeguarding, who contacted the police. Social services also became involved. Lyra was very distressed by the police interviews and the criminal justice process. ‘I was made to feel like a perpetrator, not a victim’ she says.
There was a court case but the abuser was found not guilty.
Lyra says she found herself regretting ever having reported the matter. She did not feel police were supportive, and no therapy was offered.
She feels that young people are often not able to access counselling services when they need them, and she would like to see improvements in victim support arrangements.
Lyra also thinks that schools need to widen the scope of the information they provide to pupils, and not just focus on anti-bullying campaigns. She comments that the pastoral care area was near to the ‘time-out’ area and was ‘so bare and miserable, you felt worse going up there … you didn’t feel safe’.
Lyra has recently found out that when her school had an Ofsted inspection, they did not share the contents of the Learning Review that took place about her experience of safeguarding. She feels strongly that this lengthy investigation should have been fed into the Ofsted review.