Maddox says his mantra is ‘I shouldn’t be ashamed – the secret is the perpetrator’s, not mine’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Maddox was educated at a prestigious Catholic boarding school during the 1970s.
He was a high-achieving pupil until his life was devastated by sexual abuse, perpetrated by a teacher.
In his early teens, Maddox took several key examinations early and was awarded high grades.
When he was 16, he was sexually abused by a teacher, Mr Jones.
Maddox says that looking back, he can see that he was being groomed. ‘The signs were there’ he says. He recalls ‘There was a group of boys who were granted the privilege by the housemaster of calling him by his first name … they were the “prettier, good-looking lads” in the “inner sanctum”’.
When Mr Jones abused him, Maddox was wearing swimming trunks and he can now see that the teacher had ‘orchestrated’ this. He describes the abuse as a sexual assault. There was a struggle and he is not sure of all the details.
He managed to escape and afterwards he says Mr Jones was ‘apologetic’. He continues ‘I tried to work out what to do after’. When he went home for the school holidays, Maddox tried to tell his father but says it was clear ‘he didn’t want to hear’. He adds there was no question of him contacting the police about it.
When Maddox went back to school after the holidays, Mr Jones started harassing him again. He would go into Maddox’s study and be apologetic for what he had done the previous term.
Concerned and uncomfortable, Maddox found the courage to tell two teachers about the abuse. He says he felt terrified about telling them, but they reported it to the headmaster and soon afterwards Mr Jones left the school.
The police were not involved, and Maddox was sent to a different school.
No one talked about the abuse with Maddox for many years until his father told him that pressure was put on him by the school not to take the matter any further. Maddox understands that Mr Jones came from a high-profile and influential family and that he later moved abroad to work.
He has also discovered that other members of staff at the school were subsequently convicted of child sexual abuse offences.
Dealing with the impact of the abuse has been difficult for Maddox. After the abuse, he says he experienced a ‘grey period’ and suffered from depression and anxiety.
He describes his feelings of ‘underlying anger with his parents, the school, the church and the government’. He says he struggles to understand the hypocrisy of the Catholic church and no longer practises the faith.
His education was affected and he did not complete his A levels or his degree course. He struggles with confidence in relationships, and he has panic attacks.
Maddox believes that there should always be an independent professional in schools, whether state, church or independent, to keep an eye on children and notice behaviour which may show signs that the child is unhappy or possibly being abused.
Some family members have been helpful and he has accessed support which he says made him realise the abuse ‘wasn’t my secret … I could be honest about it without it sounding dirty’.
Maddox concludes ‘The impact doesn’t go away’ but he hopes that by sharing his experience he may help people in the future.