Deprived of love, at first Marianna welcomed the attention of the man who abused her
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Marianna and her siblings were neglected and physically abused by their parents.
She was sent to live in a children’s home.
Marianna grew up in the 1960s and 70s. She says there was never enough food at home, the children were not kept clean and were regularly beaten.
When she was 11 years old, she was taken into care and sent to a home.
One of the male members of staff, Trevor, who lived on site, immediately began to show Marianna a lot of attention. He would cuddle her, stroke her hair and tell her she was his favourite. Marianna says that because she was so deprived of love and affection, at first she welcomed the attention.
One night, Marianna woke to find Trevor sitting at the end of her bed. He put his hand under the blankets and digitally penetrated her. She describes how shocked she was, and she froze, not knowing how to react. Trevor did the same thing a few nights later; this time he masturbated while abusing her.
Marianna says she can remember thinking ‘well at least he likes me’. She now understands this reaction was because she felt even bad attention was better than none.
She soon realised that Trevor was sexually abusing other girls in the home, and she began acting up because she felt she was ‘no longer the favourite’.
She explains that Trevor became intimidating towards the girls. He would watch them bathing and made it clear they should not tell anyone what he was doing. He once pushed Marianna against the wall and said ‘Do you really think they will believe you over me?’
She recalls there was a party one night in the children’s home and Trevor took the opportunity to abuse all the girls, one by one, in the same room. This led to one of the girls deciding to tell someone in charge about the abuse.
Marianna went along too, and they reported Trevor to the manager and his wife. At first the manager called the girls liars, but after questioning them all separately, he called the police. She remembers them giving a clear impression that the girls should not go on with their complaint, but they did take Trevor away.
That evening, Marianna says, none of the staff or the other children would speak to the girls who had reported Trevor, which made them feel they had done something really wrong.
The next day, Marianna’s social worker arrived to take her to a foster home. On the way, he offered her £5 to let him sexually abuse her.
The foster family was religious and very strict. The children were not allowed to watch television and the girls were made to wear dresses.
Marianna sometimes stayed at home to look after one of the children while the rest of the family were out. Geoff, the foster father, began to stay behind too, allowing her to watch television. He began cuddling her and touching her.
The abuse escalated to him masturbating, demanding oral sex, and digitally penetrating her. Geoff would tell her that if she did not let him do what he wanted, her whole family would ‘die from cancer’.
Within a month, he had started to rape her. Marianna would repeatedly say no, but he ignored her and pinned her down. He would use religion to ‘justify’ what he was doing, making comments such as ‘God knows what I am doing … this will help to wash your sins away’.
She says that to cope with the abuse she had to ‘mentally shut him out and just allow it to happen’.
Marianna ran away from the foster home a couple of times, and also tried to end her life several times by taking overdoses. She was sent for psychiatric treatment but was too scared to say what was happening to her.
As she grew older, Marianna was preyed on by other abusers, and she became pregnant when she was a teenager. She was suffering from such bad depression that she once left her baby outside a police station. Social services intervened and arranged a foster mum for Marianna, who helped her bring up her child.
One impact of the abuse is that Marianna is haunted by the belief that a lot of things that have happened to her are because of a ‘curse’ by Geoff. She has lost members of her family to cancer. She says she knows that really there is no curse, but she can’t help but link this with his threats.
Several years later, Marianna was interviewed by the police in connection with the sexual abuse she suffered. She believes that the case against Geoff is considered to be ‘weak’, but the case against Trevor is proceeding.
She feels that she was let down by social services who did not protect her from abuse, and one of their staff actually tried to abuse her himself.
Marianna feels that children could be better protected. She says that responsible adults should always ask a child why they are behaving out of character, and children should never be labelled ‘delinquent’, or any other derogatory term.
She adds that if a child discloses anything, this should be discussed on a one-to-one basis, without making the child feel they are being challenged.
Finally, says Marianna, children and young people should always be kept informed about the outcome of any action taken against a perpetrator.